I'm BACK! Let's catch up and get real for a minute...

Hi friends, family, loved ones, and kind people on blogger.. *sigh* I am SO sorry I left for a while. To be honest, I was not progressing with my lap band and felt like I was a failure. It was hard to swallow and even more hard to want to post that I had no news and was not losing any more weight :( Why you ask? Life can get in the way… Here is a brief catch up and then we will move on to lap band talk:

I am still in graduate school for clinical mental health counseling and I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. I am proud to announce that I have maintained a 4.0 GPA for my entire time there thus far (a year and a half) and am an officer (one appointed to appoint new members and plan social events) in Chi Sigma Iota-Beta Alpha Omega Chapter (the internationally recognized counseling honor society). I am halfway through the program and will graduate in December 2015 and become a clinical licensed psychotherapist.

(Picture is of this past semester's grades woot woot)

I got engaged to the love of my life, Stephen Scott (who I have been with for almost 9 years now) in November and could not be happier :) We are planning on getting married September of 2015 and have started looking at wedding venues recently which is exciting.

I moved to Denver in January of this year because I was tired of commuting so far to school, and had to leave both families I was nannying for in Longmont… I miss both kiddos a lot but make it a point to keep in touch as well as visit. I currently nanny for an adorable 9 month old baby here in the Denver area part time.

OK… Now that we are caught up, lets talk about my lap band situation. Today I had my first lap band appointment/fill in almost A YEAR AND HALF. Whoops. The reasoning for this was rather stupid on my part, but now I know better. I did not go back to my doctor for so long because the last time I saw him he made me feel really bad about my progress with my band… he had said I was his poster child for so long and then because I plateauted, he said he was disappointed in me and felt like I could have lost a lot more by that time. This utterly crushed me for many reasons, especially since he was chastising me for the VERY REASON I got lap band in the first place. I knew my lap band was not working because I slowly was able to eat more and more, but kept convincing myself that I could get back on track on my own before going back so he wouldn't make me feel like crap again.

Anyway, that was certainly a mistake, because today when I went in he discovered that almost 2.5 cc of saline had evaporated and therefore my band had not been working properly for a long time now. I have unfortunately put on a little over 20 pounds which is a major bummer, however I am trying to be positive about this whole situation and realize that if I had NOT had lap band, I probably would have been up by a whole lot more than 20 pounds. My doctor was actually very nice today and did not make me feel bad at all. We had a long talk and while we are both pretty confident that now my band has been filled I can get back on track, he gave me another option which is interesting. He said that a lot of patients who only have semi-success while lap band do much better with the gastric sleeve. Apparently, medicaid (which I am now on because I turned 26 and could no longer stay on my parent's insurance) will cover the switch from the band to the sleeve as long as I attend nutritional classes for 6 months (like I did with lap band). While this is definitely a worst case scenario, I am going to start attending the nutritional classes once a month while I work on getting my weight loss back on track now that my band has been filled. Hopefully I won't need that option, but if I decide after a few months this still is not working it is a really good option to have.

Another issue that was hindering my progress recently was my lack of medication. As I mentioned above, I had to switch from my parent's insurance to medicaid because I turned 26 and it has been a total pain in the ass. The medicaid office had my address wrong so they needed documents from me which I never sent (because I did not receive mail from them) and so I just finally actually got actively covered from medicaid about 2 weeks ago. I have hypersomnia (excessive daytime sleepiness) that developed when I first became obese, and I have been taking 54mg of concerta since 2010 which is typically prescribed to patients with ADD, but is prescribed to me to regulate my sleep and allow me to wake up at a normal hour and go to bed at a normal hour without feeling like I need to nap all day long. I have not had the meds for almost 2 months, so wanting to exercise or being motivated to do so was difficult because all I have wanted to do was nap in my free time. I got the meds again as of last week however so things are back to normal.

I have been swimming a lot and adding time each time I swim. I started at laps for 30 min a week and a half ago and have progressed to 40 min. I love swimming, especially outside in summer, and look forward to swimming with my Dad when I go home to TX to visit my parents in a few days. While I am super hopeful I will get back on track now that roadblocks have been removed, there is one element that I need to address ASAP to truly be successful: my food addiction. It is a sucky thing to admit, but I am literally addicted to food and use it to cope with stress. With my busy schedule, I have not been making time to cook for myself and make good food choices (often eating on the go wherever I can and waiting until I am super hungry and end up eating fast food). As my nutritionist told me today, I KNOW what I need to do… I have had multiple nutritional classes and advice and was an athlete for years, it is a matter of mentally overcoming the urge to make poor choices and setting myself up for failure. Having said that, I plan on seeking out a therapist who specializes in food related issues/disorders to help me conquer the mental part of this.

My band feels tight again and I am determined to get back on track, and I think posting here regularly again will help me a lot. I am also going to begin journaling my food everyday again. I am on a liquid diet for the next few days due to the adjustment but just bought a new flavor of lean shakes from GNC (banana cream) so I don't feel too deprived :) I am once again so sorry for disappearing for so long, but I am a great example of how life is a tango… sometimes we back peddle a bit and that is OK… it is all about the journey and I am ready to get back in the saddle again. I hope you all are well and I look forward to speaking with you all more often again.

Warmly
Caroline