I'm BACK! Let's catch up and get real for a minute...

Hi friends, family, loved ones, and kind people on blogger.. *sigh* I am SO sorry I left for a while. To be honest, I was not progressing with my lap band and felt like I was a failure. It was hard to swallow and even more hard to want to post that I had no news and was not losing any more weight :( Why you ask? Life can get in the way… Here is a brief catch up and then we will move on to lap band talk:

I am still in graduate school for clinical mental health counseling and I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. I am proud to announce that I have maintained a 4.0 GPA for my entire time there thus far (a year and a half) and am an officer (one appointed to appoint new members and plan social events) in Chi Sigma Iota-Beta Alpha Omega Chapter (the internationally recognized counseling honor society). I am halfway through the program and will graduate in December 2015 and become a clinical licensed psychotherapist.

(Picture is of this past semester's grades woot woot)

I got engaged to the love of my life, Stephen Scott (who I have been with for almost 9 years now) in November and could not be happier :) We are planning on getting married September of 2015 and have started looking at wedding venues recently which is exciting.

I moved to Denver in January of this year because I was tired of commuting so far to school, and had to leave both families I was nannying for in Longmont… I miss both kiddos a lot but make it a point to keep in touch as well as visit. I currently nanny for an adorable 9 month old baby here in the Denver area part time.

OK… Now that we are caught up, lets talk about my lap band situation. Today I had my first lap band appointment/fill in almost A YEAR AND HALF. Whoops. The reasoning for this was rather stupid on my part, but now I know better. I did not go back to my doctor for so long because the last time I saw him he made me feel really bad about my progress with my band… he had said I was his poster child for so long and then because I plateauted, he said he was disappointed in me and felt like I could have lost a lot more by that time. This utterly crushed me for many reasons, especially since he was chastising me for the VERY REASON I got lap band in the first place. I knew my lap band was not working because I slowly was able to eat more and more, but kept convincing myself that I could get back on track on my own before going back so he wouldn't make me feel like crap again.

Anyway, that was certainly a mistake, because today when I went in he discovered that almost 2.5 cc of saline had evaporated and therefore my band had not been working properly for a long time now. I have unfortunately put on a little over 20 pounds which is a major bummer, however I am trying to be positive about this whole situation and realize that if I had NOT had lap band, I probably would have been up by a whole lot more than 20 pounds. My doctor was actually very nice today and did not make me feel bad at all. We had a long talk and while we are both pretty confident that now my band has been filled I can get back on track, he gave me another option which is interesting. He said that a lot of patients who only have semi-success while lap band do much better with the gastric sleeve. Apparently, medicaid (which I am now on because I turned 26 and could no longer stay on my parent's insurance) will cover the switch from the band to the sleeve as long as I attend nutritional classes for 6 months (like I did with lap band). While this is definitely a worst case scenario, I am going to start attending the nutritional classes once a month while I work on getting my weight loss back on track now that my band has been filled. Hopefully I won't need that option, but if I decide after a few months this still is not working it is a really good option to have.

Another issue that was hindering my progress recently was my lack of medication. As I mentioned above, I had to switch from my parent's insurance to medicaid because I turned 26 and it has been a total pain in the ass. The medicaid office had my address wrong so they needed documents from me which I never sent (because I did not receive mail from them) and so I just finally actually got actively covered from medicaid about 2 weeks ago. I have hypersomnia (excessive daytime sleepiness) that developed when I first became obese, and I have been taking 54mg of concerta since 2010 which is typically prescribed to patients with ADD, but is prescribed to me to regulate my sleep and allow me to wake up at a normal hour and go to bed at a normal hour without feeling like I need to nap all day long. I have not had the meds for almost 2 months, so wanting to exercise or being motivated to do so was difficult because all I have wanted to do was nap in my free time. I got the meds again as of last week however so things are back to normal.

I have been swimming a lot and adding time each time I swim. I started at laps for 30 min a week and a half ago and have progressed to 40 min. I love swimming, especially outside in summer, and look forward to swimming with my Dad when I go home to TX to visit my parents in a few days. While I am super hopeful I will get back on track now that roadblocks have been removed, there is one element that I need to address ASAP to truly be successful: my food addiction. It is a sucky thing to admit, but I am literally addicted to food and use it to cope with stress. With my busy schedule, I have not been making time to cook for myself and make good food choices (often eating on the go wherever I can and waiting until I am super hungry and end up eating fast food). As my nutritionist told me today, I KNOW what I need to do… I have had multiple nutritional classes and advice and was an athlete for years, it is a matter of mentally overcoming the urge to make poor choices and setting myself up for failure. Having said that, I plan on seeking out a therapist who specializes in food related issues/disorders to help me conquer the mental part of this.

My band feels tight again and I am determined to get back on track, and I think posting here regularly again will help me a lot. I am also going to begin journaling my food everyday again. I am on a liquid diet for the next few days due to the adjustment but just bought a new flavor of lean shakes from GNC (banana cream) so I don't feel too deprived :) I am once again so sorry for disappearing for so long, but I am a great example of how life is a tango… sometimes we back peddle a bit and that is OK… it is all about the journey and I am ready to get back in the saddle again. I hope you all are well and I look forward to speaking with you all more often again.

Warmly
Caroline

Finally, an Update!

Hello all,
My lack of blog posts is atrocious and I apologize to those that follow my blog! While not an excuse, grad school (commuting an hour each way to get there) and 2 jobs has kept me ridiculously busy. As far as an update, I am now 227lbs woohoo which is 4lbs less than last time I blogged AND the lowest weight I have been since my freshman year of college. I turned 25 in January which was fun because I spent it celebrating with friends in a cabin in Estes Park. Grad school has been amazing so far, but ALOT of work and many many hours spent studying, reading, and doing homework. Having said that, I have not been getting alot of swimming/exercise in because I have been so busy! I have been walking quite a bit because the campus (CU Denver) is pretty spread out and I take the baby I nanny on walks, but I need to set more time aside for going to the gym and getting in some good cardio.

I was doing well as far as my eating regime goes, until about a week and a half ago when I had an exam, midterm essay, powerpoint presentation, AND a 10 page paper all due in the same day. I got really stressed out and made some really poor nutritional choices throughout the week. Since then, I have had a hard time resisting sweets and bad food because I allowed myself to have it all last week :( Therefore, I went to GNC today and got a 7 day vitamin cleanse that should help detox my system of all of the nasty sweets and sodium and junk, and get me back on the right track. I found out today that I am going on a free trip to Israel (Birthright Israel) in May which is also extra new motivation! I want to look good in Israel as well as be comfortable (the plane seats are standard size AND it will be hot as hell= thigh rubbage!).

I am going to the doc next week for a checkup and a fill of saline which should also help. My focus was shifted solely on school for the past month or so, but now I am going to make sure to fit in time to exercise as well as not screw up (or as often) on my food choices! I hope you all are well and I will post again with an update next week :)

Hello 2013!

Happy New Year! 2012 was an amazing year for me and I am excited to ring in 2013 on a high note... I have lost 10lbs since my last fill Dec.19th! WOOHOO... this makes 87lbs lost since March. I am so happy I got another fill... when I was at the doc my band "sucked" up the saline very quickly and the doc said that means I really needed one! I guess because I had lost over 50lbs my band was not as tight anymore and needed a fill which is why my weight loss had plateaued for a couple months. Now that I got another fill my band is as good as ever and I no longer can eat larger portions/feel very full from a cup of food again :)

Another high note is that skiing is actually FUN again! Last year skiing was exhausting and very difficult to enjoy because I was so heavy :( BUT now that I am 87lbs slimmer and more in shape than I have been in a few years, it felt great and was really fun again. My younger cousin from TX came to visit and I took her skiing for her first time ever... she is a ballerina and has amazing balance so she was a natural.

Lastly, I am excited/nervous for grad school to start in 2 weeks! I can't wait to be around other students again :) I am hoping I can use their rec center to swim in between class sometimes as well. I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday and new year, and cheers to a grand start to 2013!

--Caroline

It's December in Colorado... Where the hell is the snow?!

Hi Everyone!

This blogger is frustrated because despite the fact it is freezing out, the snow seems to have skipped right over the Boulder area :( :( I was going to try to go skiing on Thursday for my first runs of the season, but there was no snow! This year has been devastating for ski resorts all over colorado because of the lack of snowfall... by this time of year, usually 75-80 percent of terrain is open at most resorts; right now many of them are lucky to have at least 20 percent open! Though the snow skipped over Boulder, it poured in the mountains so fingers crossed that it christened the slopes adequately. I am excited for my little cousin to come ski with me in a few weeks AND that my parents have graciously agreed to buy me a student ski pass to El Dora for the season as my holiday/early birthday gift :) HOORAY! My school schedule for the upcoming semester leaves me friday-mon each week to get away for a ski break which will be awesome. Skiing is an excellent calorie burner and is UBER fun... as much as I like swimming, I am not always like YAAY LETS GO SWIM LAPS everytime whereas I can't seem to shake the smile from my face every time I drive up to ski. I am truly hoping that now that I have lost quite a bit of weight and work out consistently that skiing will be easier/less stress and weight on my body!

My school schedule is interesting and way different than my undergraduate was... I only have class tues, weds, and thurs, and each graduate class meets once a week for 3 hours at a time! I have two of these classes back to back (groan) on wednesdays, then I have an undergrad stats class that meets tues and thurs for an hour and a half (a requirement for my masters that I did not take in undergrad and therefore have to take now). I had my first student orientation which was rather boring but allowed for me to meet my cohorts for the next three years and  has made me excited to start school again.

I am also proud to announce that I have lost 3 pounds since my last post... HOORAY! I have been making exercise a major priority and altering my work hours so that I can get it in without being exhausted from working too much. I also still have my appointment with my bariatric doc on Dec.19th where I will get a fill of saline and meet with my nutritionist as well. I am optimistic and happy for what the future and new year will bring :) That is about all my news for now, but I will update all you in another week. For those of you celebrating Hanukkah, Happy Hanukkah :)

Thanksgiving in TX

Hi there! I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving... I did :) I went home to Dallas to see my family which was really nice. Lucky for me, I have never been a huge fan of the food at Thanksgiving (with the exception of apple pie) so the meal itself was not a temptation nor did I feel any resentment that I could not gorge myself like many do on the holiday. Though thanksgiving itself was not a temptation, I did eat out alot over the week meeting up with friends and family... even though I did not always make the best choices food wise, I did not eat alot and almost always put half my food in a box at the get go. Needless to say however, I did not lose any weight over the break :( I did maintain though which is important because I exercised everyday but one. Here is a picture I took in my room in TX because I was feeling rather cute that day :)

The indoor pools were mostly closed during the week due to the holiday, but I did manage to get two days of swimming laps in. On one of the days my old diving team was practicing at the same pool I was at and I saw that a girl I used to dive with is now one of the coaches... I had not seen her since I was 13 years old and she did not recognize me at first. I told her I could still dive even at my weight and she smiled and clearly did not believe me. She told me to prove it so I got up on the 3m diving board and did a pike one and half and the entire pool cheered... I haven't felt that rush of excitement/nervousness since the last time I competed at a diving meet! Needless to say, I felt pretty damn cool.

On the days I could not swim I walked for an hour with my Mom which was really nice... the weather in TX was nice and warm (high 70s) which was perfect for walks. I got to see my sister for the first time in almost a year which was awesome and my Grandma Beth flew in for the holiday too. I am really excited because while I was home my little cousin made plans to fly and come see me in late december and learn how to ski.

Anyway, now I am just getting back in the swing of working long days again after a nice week long break. I unfortunately have a little cold and have felt kind of crummy since monday... I was actually supposed to get a fill of saline at my doc on tuesday but overslept and missed it :( They don't have another appointment available until Dec.19th, so I am just going to have to suck it up and really buckle down on my calorie budget until then. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, Ill be back on next week (and hopefully with some good weight loss news :)

Hello Again!

Hi everybody! I was just called out by both my Dad and another blogger for not posting in a while... er over a month.... OOPS. My bad. I have been busy busy busy working three nanny jobs, vacationing in Hawaii, etc, but that is NO excuse and I vow to post at least once a week from here on out. I am still here, still going strong, and still losing weight and doing great!

Before I get into the thick of it, here is an exciting announcement... I got accepted to graduate school at CU Denver for Mental Health Counseling :) I am so excited and overjoyed that I got accepted... it is a competitive program and they only accepted 25-30 people out of the 140 that applied. I currently live and work in Longmont, CO (which is about an hour away from denver), so I am actively looking for a new place to move to much closer to denver. I am sad because I will not be able to nanny for the boy I have been with 2 and a half years anymore (Cody, age 11), but I will definitely be seeing him every so often because he is like a little brother to me at this point. Lots of new and exciting changes ahead...

So since my last post in October, I sadly report that I have only lost an additional 3 pounds :( I have really hit a serious plateau that is frustrating me beyond no other. The upside is that I have maintained and am not gaining any weight however. At my 6 month check in appointment at the doc, we had discussed possibly another fill if I could not beat this plateau and that is what I am now planning on doing. Unfortunately, they cannot get me in until after I get back from Dallas (I leave on sat for a week to spend thanksgiving with my parents and family), but the tuesday when I get back I will be getting another fill which should hopefully help. I still swim everyday that I can, but there have been many days that I work 2 nanny jobs (one in the a.m. until early afternoon, then cody all afternoon/evening) and am too exhausted to workout afterwords. On these days I try to take the baby for a long walk in the stroller which helps burn some calories.

I have been staying on par as far as my eating goes, but I have finally experienced having something "get stuck" in the band and let me tell you, it is the worst feeling EVER! I was starving and made the poor choice of getting a bagel one morning when I was in a rush... I threw away half and was just going to eat the other half but I only got two or three bites in before it got stuck in my band. The bread was just much too thick and dense to push through the band comfortably and the only way to describe it is like the worst heartburn you have ever felt and something STUCK at the bottom of your throat. I was driving and had to pull over and wait for it to pass (which it did) but lesson learned... NO BAGELS!!

I have bought a few things clothing wise to tide me over for a while and I am so excited with my new changing figure... I feel better and happier in clothes and in photographs! It was recently my boyfriend's birthday and we went to Oahu, HI for 5 days which was absolutely incredible. We swam/snorkeled all over the island and had an amazing time. For those of you that do not know, sea turtles are my favorite animal in the whole world and I found/swam with them practically everyday of the trip... heaven! We rented and underwater camera so we got to capture it all too! Here are a few pics from the trip... I will probably end up making an album online somewhere then posting it here.

                                                         Snorkeling at Lanikea beach

This is me following a turtle at a beach in Waikiki

Gorgeous turtle I saw in Waikiki

Dinner in Waikiki

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Hanging out at the North Shore

Pristine Lanikea Beach

Birthday Drinks

After swimming in Waikiki

Hanuama Bay Nature Preserve... we snorkeled here :)

We got back from the trip a week ago, and then my Grandpa from Florida came to visit for the weekend which was really nice. We went and saw the Vangough exhibit at the Denver Art Museum and saw a few movies as well. I love spending time with him and am so glad he came to visit! I am off to Dallas on Saturday, but I PROMISE to post once a week from now on. Happy November everybody!

--Caroline

Is It October Already?!

WOW does time fly... I really cannot believe it is already October!! I have once again been a very busy bee so I apologize for the lack of posts recently. Since my last post I have lost an additional 2 pounds which is a little less than my usual rate of weight loss, but after speaking with my nutritionist I am still right where I need to be. After losing a large chunk of weight (72lbs), it is apparently common for the body to go into a serious plateau mode :( However, my nutritionist gave me some great advice; change things up! I have been swimming as my main form of exercise for quite some time, so I am now going to try swimming every other day and lifting weights and doing either the elliptical machine or some kind of fitness class like Zumba on the other days. I am still doing great on my eating plan however and continue to feel better everyday! I have however been noticing that my skin is starting to look a little baggy in my arms and other places where I have shrunk which is frustrating, but I am hopeful that if I start lifting weights my skin will tighten up a bit.

In other exciting news, I got past the first round of my graduate school application and was asked to come in for a group interview this friday!! I have never been to a group interview before, but I have no problem speaking in front of a group of people and I hope I can stand out to the interviewers :) I honestly had NO nice/formal/business attire clothing that fit (because everything is too BIG woohoo), so my parents were incredibly generous and bought me a new outfit I picked out yesterday. I almost started crying tears of joy in the fitting room at Torrid because I ended up buying size 18 pants which is a BIG deal... when I started this journey I was 318lbs and a size 26 and now I am 8 sizes smaller! I have not been a size 18 since my freshman-sophomore year of college. I am so excited and couldn't be happier. I will now feel chic and confident at my interview in my gorgeous new outfit and size 18 pants. HOORAY!

As of this past weekend I also fit into a dress I used to LOVE but have not been able to wear in years... I had the dress hanging on my closet door as motivation, but now I need a new piece of motivation! Very exciting... all of this keeps me going and makes me excited to lose more. I hope everyone is well and I wish my Mom a swift recovery (she had surgery this morning... nothing major, but still will take time to recover!) and I will write more soon :)