Plateau and Frustration :/

Hi again!
It has been a while since I have posted because I have not had a lot to share unfortunately :/ I am bummed to report that I seem to have hit another plateau and think it is from a combination of things. My schedule has gone back into serious full swing again (working two nanny jobs, graduate school, honor society etc.) and I have not had the time (or I guess I should say have not made the time) to exercise as much as I was, and although I am still eating pretty well, since my addictions course ended, I have re-picked up a few bad habits (such as diet soda drinking, drinking while eating, etc). Needless to say, I have not lost any weight since my last post :( I have not PUT any weight on, which is a plus, but feel stagnant. I am also really frustrated with my lap band overall, currently, because things have been getting stuck more than usual that shouldn't be and I have been getting sick a lot.

I have taken some serious steps in a new direction this week that I would like to share. I realized that no matter what surgery I have, I will NEVER truly grasp control over my weight and become and maintain a healthy weight until I conquer my compulsion to eat (even when I am not hungry) and the emotional aspect of my eating. Yesterday I called an eating disorder center that has a staff of outpatient therapists that work with all types of eating disorders and troubled eating, such as myself (who may or may not be considered a food addict). I am going to start seeing someone once a week for a few weeks to see if I can work through some of my issues with food, which is a huge step in the right direction.

Another step I am CONSIDERING (not for sure about yet) is switching from the lap band to the gastric sleeve. My lap band doctor thinks that I would fair better with the sleeve, and I found out that medicaid would cover the entire switch as long as I attend one 4 hour nutrition class once a month for six months (which is what I had to do to get lap band covered). The classes are free and offered at my doctor's office, so I am going to start attending this month. I still need to speak with the insurance woman in the office to find out exactly how much I would be paying out of pocket etc.. but after doing quite a bit of research on the sleeve, I think it truly would be a better fit for me. In fact, many other bandsters I follow blog-wise are considering the same switch. The band was a good fit for me when I had nothing else to focus on but losing weight and nannying, but with planning a wedding, going to graduate school, being an officer in the honor society, working two nanny jobs, and getting a little R and R in-between! While no surgery is going to "fix" my problem for me, the sleeve seems like a much better fit.

Here is a video that explains the sleeve:
How Gastric Sleeve Works

Here is a page comparing the sleeve to the band:
Band VS Sleeve

With the lap band, the fills have been painful, it requires frequent tweaking, and I have been getting sick a lot. The gastric sleeve is more invasive, but Dr. Brown (my bariatric doc) thinks that I will have much more success IMMEDIATELY (think 90 lbs or so in 3 months) and overall for my busy lifestyle, the sleeve will work better. As I said, it is just something I am considering right now, but will let you all know what I ultimately decide of course.

Anyway, Steve and I had our 9 year anniversary this month and we celebrated it by going camping with our new pup Lola! Lola is a sweet little wiener dog/jack russell terror mix and we love her to pieces. Here is one of my favorite pics from the trip :)

I will post again soon with progress reports on all issues above. 

Warmly

Caroline

Making it Work

Hi everyone!
Been a very successful week in many ways… The class I am taking currently for my graduate program is learning how to counsel people struggling with addiction and I am not only learning a ton, but my major project has worked hand in hand with my weight loss! Our biggest assignment is to abstain from all mood altering substances (caffeine, alcohol, etc.) and any self identified "excessive behaviors" we struggle with for a total of 2 and a half weeks. Therefore, I have given up all alcohol (which I was trying to do anyway for right now because it is empty calories), caffeine, refined/excess sugar, and going to get fast food. I am happy to report that I have totally stuck to it for the most party and only slipped a little on the caffeine (which is hard to do when you have a summer class which you have lots of reading and homework in!). I am proud to report that I lost another 3 and half pounds this week which means I have lost all of the weight I had put back on before my lap band adjustment :)

I have been eating healthy and making meals ahead of time as well as packing portioned lunches. I found some great containers at Ross that help keep myself portioned for snacks as well! I have not eaten any fast food since my "incident" with the mini pizza hut pizza 2 weeks ago and do not plan on it.  I have been swimming laps when I can, but with being so busy with school and work, I have been having to get creative such as going on long walks with the baby I nanny for while he naps in stroller or taking walks on my breaks from class. As I mentioned last week or the week before, my wedding date is officially booked which is really exciting and even more motivation to get healthy.

On a more somber note, I found out that the father of a little boy I nannied for up until I moved to Denver this past January suddenly passed from a massive heart attack… It is tragic because he was only 57 and his son, Gavi, is only 2 years old :( He also has two children my age… this horrible tragedy has been a grave reminder that life is short and sweet and to live it to the fullest and love with your full heart and appreciate your loves ones everyday. I want to again say thank you to all my friends and family that have continually supported me through this weight loss journey (and throughout my life) and how much I love and appreciate you all. This is also a reminder that health is so important… The man who passed was incredibly healthy, active, and took care of himself and yet he still passed. Being as I am also adopted and do not know my genetic history, I would like to give myself every benefit I can to ensure my health for a long long time which means shedding this weight for good and keeping it off.

Thank you all so much again!
Love
Caroline

River Tubing Adventures and Reality Check

Hi all!
Another great week… proud to report I am another 2.5 pounds down from last week, woohoo! I have been wearing my fitbit again which has helped me get motivated to take more steps each day and continued to journal. This past weekend I went river tubing with my fiancé and my best friend and her boyfriend, which was TOTALLY CRAZY/NUTS, fun, scary, and a great workout. We went tubing on the Saint Vrain River (which was supposed to be much less crazy and intense than the Boulder Creek according to a guy we talked to at a raft shop in Boulder), but it was really intense… there was a lot of debris such as tree branches and rocks and it is certainly very difficult to steer without a paddle… you literally have to use your entire body to steer! It started out fun (albeit intense), then my poor fiancé nagged his foot on a stump and hurt himself and had to get out. The rest of us tubed down to where we left my car so that we could pick him up as soon as possible to treat his injury, and luckily we were unscathed other than a bunch of bruises and scratches. Won't be doing that again any time soon, but at least it was an adventure!

Getting pumped up to go tubing… little did we know it was going to be super crazy/intense!

Giant bruise on my bum from tubing

My poor fiancé's foot super swollen

One thing I was reminded of this week (because no one is perfect), is you mess up and eat what you are not supposed to, and you WILL pay the price. I was a dum dum and waited too long to eat on sunday, so I made a poor food choice and got a mini pizza hut pizza from a drive thru and attempted to scarf it down…Needless to say, it got seriously stuck in my band and was incredibly painful… I ended up throwing the few bites I got in right back up. A severe reminder to stay on the straight and narrow!

Anyway, I started my summer class this week and will continue to pack snacks and lunch so that I will not make poor choices. I was able to get in some laps tonight which was nice, and will go for a walk with the baby I nanny for tomorrow because I work 7am until 3pm then I have class from 3:30pm until 9:30pm. I am also really excited because I am putting down the deposit/officially setting the date and venue for my wedding next year this weekend :). Many positive things to come!

Warmly

Caroline 

Back to the Grind, But Doing it Right!

Hi there!
So after all of the lovely vacation at home in TX and then staying in the cabin in Estes Park with my fiancé and his Aunt and Uncle, I am back to the grind of working and I start class again next week. One thing that is very different from before vacation, however, is my eating habits. I am proud to say that I have packed my lunch every day I have worked since being back from Estes Park AND I left a box of protein bars and some greek yogurts at the house where I nanny to ensure that I have ZERO reason to buy food out or make poor choices. Since I have been on the straight and narrow now for about 2 and a half weeks, I literally feel better every day. And perhaps TMI (but helpful for other bandsters to know), since I have been eating a lap band diet and what I am supposed to, my BMs are much better and regular. I weighed myself yesterday morning and I have lost a total of 10.5lbs since my lap band fill 2 and a half weeks ago, which feels great. I also just found my charger to my fitbit bracelet so have it currently charging and can begin wearing it again tomorrow. I am still journaling which is very helpful too. I have not been able to swim everyday like I did when I was at home in TX because of my nanny schedule, but I swim when I can and have been taking the baby for long walks at the park and trying to keep active when possible. My next fitness goal; try a spin class AND to stop taking the elevator in my apartment building. I am on the third floor and I told myself when I moved in in January that I would ONLY take the elevator when I bring home groceries etc, but I have found that I take it more often and out of habit. My next food goal is to drink more water throughout the day. I found my favorite water bottle at my parents house that I had left the last trip I was there, and have been trying to bring it everywhere, but I still need to physically drink more water. I hope you all are well, and I will update next week with more progress!

Warmly
Caroline

Back to Colorado!

Hi all,
I had a really great trip back home to Texas… I ended up swimming 4 days out of the 6 I was there which is much better than I have been doing in previous weeks. I worked up to 45 minutes and plan on moving up to 55 min next week. I was even able to swim a full lap of butterfly which my Dad got on video :) (YES, even big girls can butterfly!!)

I am also really proud of myself and the food choices I made while in Texas… although I was NOT planning on eating out again with my Uncle and cousin, I did end up eating at the restaurant because I was a dummy and did not pack myself enough food for the day. BUT I choose a light choice option which was under 600 calories (and delicious!) and did not even finish it all… grilled chicken with some pasta. I still ended up being at around 1200 calories for the day which is awesome. I did end up getting some tex mex (which is a must for me when I am at home at some point) but only ate one taco and was totally satisfied (sans lap band I could easily kill 4 and queso and margaritas etc…). I have been abstaining from alcohol for now because it is just empty, unnecessary calories. Not to say this will be forever, but for the time being I feel it is necessary to get back on track. I weighed myself in TX last monday and had lost 4.5 pounds since my fill which made me really happy. I will weigh myself again tuesday morning.

I got back to Colorado on thursday night, and then my fiancé's aunt and uncle arrived from Plano, TX to visit for the weekend. We got a cabin up in estes park and have been having a total blast. Today we took them to Rocky Mountain National Park and did the Alberta Falls hike and some other little stuff that added up to about 2 miles total. Gorgeous hike and great workout!

Alberta Falls hike

We barbecued last night and made bison burgers (totally delicious and very lean) so I did that without the bun and some grilled corn on the cob. I really am feeling better every day I make good food choices and look forward to weighing myself again on tuesday to see the results. I hope you all are having a great weekend!

Warmly
Caroline

Back to Solids… Woohoo!

I flew home to Texas yesterday to visit my family and been having a great trip so far. I swam laps with my Dad and the pool was perfect temp (I usually visit later in the summer when the pool is way too hot). I swam for 40 minutes and completed my swim with a 3/4 lap of butterfly! Felt great and it was really nice to have company… My Dad swam with me even though he had already cycled 100 miles that day LOL no big deal :) I have been on liquids and then semi-solids the last 3 days since I had my fill on Thursday and was eager to get back to solids today. My first solid meal was at a great BBQ place my Uncle took me to today called Hard 8 BBQ. I had probably the best beef brisket I have ever had and it was neat because at this place you choose how much of everything you want, so I was able to get just about a fistfull of chopped brisket with no bun. Perfectly delicious and perfect portion. I ate it with no problem (chewing more than usual to be careful since first day back to solids) and felt full and sated afterwards.

Here is some delicious TX BBQ food porn for y'all :)

I know that I said I was not going to go out to eat often while I am here, so I think this will probably be the first/last/only time I eat out here. I am meeting my Uncle again tomorrow so I can see my little cousin and it is around dinner time so we are meeting at Macaroni Grill, but I am going to eat beforehand at my parents house and sit with them and enjoy some ice tea while they eat out. Of course I would rather eat out and I LOVE Italian food, but it is eating out so frequently that got me to where I needed the lap band in the first place. It's just not worth it in the end. Will power must conquer!! Still journaling again which is helping.

I am going to swim again with my Dad this afternoon and will up my swim to 45 minutes today. I hope you all have a great day and happy father's day to all the Dad's out there.

Warmly
Caroline

Starting from Scratch

It is amazing what a difference 2 and a half cc of saline makes in a lap band… Now that I am filled back up I am on liquids/soft foods until sat night, but I can already feel a huge difference in my band. I have been drinking GNC leanshakes (which are INCREDIBLE for those who have lap band because they have only 170 calories and 25 grams of whey protein) and I made some matzo ball soup last night. When I make matzo ball soup I typically have at least 3-4 matzo balls, but today as I jumped up for another serving after eating 2 small ones, I was already full. I can't tell you how great that feels after being able to eat so much for so long because my band was not tight!

 I started writing in my journal again too. In my journal, I log what I eat, how many grams of protein and calories in the food, how much liquid I drink, exercise for the day, vitamin supplements, calcium, and my overall feelings for the day. This journal is what held me super accountable for two months after surgery, and I am going to use it everyday again. I have not been great about taking vitamins and calcium supplements over the past few months, so I am going to stop at GNC and grab some later today because I have been out for quite some time. Another short term goal is to stop drinking liquid while I eat which is a horrible habit.

I am going to visit my parents in Texas for a week tomorrow and it will be a little rough with this new fill. My favorite food in the whole world is tex-mex and when I go home to Texas, I usually eat out multiple times visiting various friends and family. I need to limit the amount of times I go out to eat next week, as well as realize that I need to be VERY careful and limit the amount of food I now put in my body. It really is like starting over… I have to train my body to live with lap band again. As I mentioned yesterday though, I am excited to swim laps with my Dad. For those of you who do not know, my Dad is an avid cyclist and triathlete and in excellent shape. He (and my mother who is less athletic, but very healthy/slim/watchful of what she puts in her body) are excellent influences on me when I am at home and have always been very encouraging of my weight loss journey (through good times and bad). I hope you all have a nice start to your weekend!

Warmly
Caroline

I'm BACK! Let's catch up and get real for a minute...

Hi friends, family, loved ones, and kind people on blogger.. *sigh* I am SO sorry I left for a while. To be honest, I was not progressing with my lap band and felt like I was a failure. It was hard to swallow and even more hard to want to post that I had no news and was not losing any more weight :( Why you ask? Life can get in the way… Here is a brief catch up and then we will move on to lap band talk:

I am still in graduate school for clinical mental health counseling and I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. I am proud to announce that I have maintained a 4.0 GPA for my entire time there thus far (a year and a half) and am an officer (one appointed to appoint new members and plan social events) in Chi Sigma Iota-Beta Alpha Omega Chapter (the internationally recognized counseling honor society). I am halfway through the program and will graduate in December 2015 and become a clinical licensed psychotherapist.

(Picture is of this past semester's grades woot woot)

I got engaged to the love of my life, Stephen Scott (who I have been with for almost 9 years now) in November and could not be happier :) We are planning on getting married September of 2015 and have started looking at wedding venues recently which is exciting.

I moved to Denver in January of this year because I was tired of commuting so far to school, and had to leave both families I was nannying for in Longmont… I miss both kiddos a lot but make it a point to keep in touch as well as visit. I currently nanny for an adorable 9 month old baby here in the Denver area part time.

OK… Now that we are caught up, lets talk about my lap band situation. Today I had my first lap band appointment/fill in almost A YEAR AND HALF. Whoops. The reasoning for this was rather stupid on my part, but now I know better. I did not go back to my doctor for so long because the last time I saw him he made me feel really bad about my progress with my band… he had said I was his poster child for so long and then because I plateauted, he said he was disappointed in me and felt like I could have lost a lot more by that time. This utterly crushed me for many reasons, especially since he was chastising me for the VERY REASON I got lap band in the first place. I knew my lap band was not working because I slowly was able to eat more and more, but kept convincing myself that I could get back on track on my own before going back so he wouldn't make me feel like crap again.

Anyway, that was certainly a mistake, because today when I went in he discovered that almost 2.5 cc of saline had evaporated and therefore my band had not been working properly for a long time now. I have unfortunately put on a little over 20 pounds which is a major bummer, however I am trying to be positive about this whole situation and realize that if I had NOT had lap band, I probably would have been up by a whole lot more than 20 pounds. My doctor was actually very nice today and did not make me feel bad at all. We had a long talk and while we are both pretty confident that now my band has been filled I can get back on track, he gave me another option which is interesting. He said that a lot of patients who only have semi-success while lap band do much better with the gastric sleeve. Apparently, medicaid (which I am now on because I turned 26 and could no longer stay on my parent's insurance) will cover the switch from the band to the sleeve as long as I attend nutritional classes for 6 months (like I did with lap band). While this is definitely a worst case scenario, I am going to start attending the nutritional classes once a month while I work on getting my weight loss back on track now that my band has been filled. Hopefully I won't need that option, but if I decide after a few months this still is not working it is a really good option to have.

Another issue that was hindering my progress recently was my lack of medication. As I mentioned above, I had to switch from my parent's insurance to medicaid because I turned 26 and it has been a total pain in the ass. The medicaid office had my address wrong so they needed documents from me which I never sent (because I did not receive mail from them) and so I just finally actually got actively covered from medicaid about 2 weeks ago. I have hypersomnia (excessive daytime sleepiness) that developed when I first became obese, and I have been taking 54mg of concerta since 2010 which is typically prescribed to patients with ADD, but is prescribed to me to regulate my sleep and allow me to wake up at a normal hour and go to bed at a normal hour without feeling like I need to nap all day long. I have not had the meds for almost 2 months, so wanting to exercise or being motivated to do so was difficult because all I have wanted to do was nap in my free time. I got the meds again as of last week however so things are back to normal.

I have been swimming a lot and adding time each time I swim. I started at laps for 30 min a week and a half ago and have progressed to 40 min. I love swimming, especially outside in summer, and look forward to swimming with my Dad when I go home to TX to visit my parents in a few days. While I am super hopeful I will get back on track now that roadblocks have been removed, there is one element that I need to address ASAP to truly be successful: my food addiction. It is a sucky thing to admit, but I am literally addicted to food and use it to cope with stress. With my busy schedule, I have not been making time to cook for myself and make good food choices (often eating on the go wherever I can and waiting until I am super hungry and end up eating fast food). As my nutritionist told me today, I KNOW what I need to do… I have had multiple nutritional classes and advice and was an athlete for years, it is a matter of mentally overcoming the urge to make poor choices and setting myself up for failure. Having said that, I plan on seeking out a therapist who specializes in food related issues/disorders to help me conquer the mental part of this.

My band feels tight again and I am determined to get back on track, and I think posting here regularly again will help me a lot. I am also going to begin journaling my food everyday again. I am on a liquid diet for the next few days due to the adjustment but just bought a new flavor of lean shakes from GNC (banana cream) so I don't feel too deprived :) I am once again so sorry for disappearing for so long, but I am a great example of how life is a tango… sometimes we back peddle a bit and that is OK… it is all about the journey and I am ready to get back in the saddle again. I hope you all are well and I look forward to speaking with you all more often again.

Warmly
Caroline