Pool, Flu, and OFFICIALLY 50LBS DOWN!! :)

Hello there!

Like many other places in the country, it was raining cats and dogs for weeks here in Colorado. This was such a bummer because it was supposed to be the start of summer! Luckily, the rain gave in and the sunshine and warm weather came out 2 weeks ago like someone suddenly hit a light switch, and it was gorgeous, glorious summer. My gym opened their outdoor pool over memorial day, so I have been taking full advantage of it and swimming laps almost every day I can. Some days though, it will rain/thunderstorm towards the end of the day (when I end up getting there after work) and they will close down the pool which is a bummer because the indoor pool is currently closed for renovations. In these cases, I now just make sure to have alternate workout clothes and sneakers in my car so when this happens I can go lift weights or do the treadmill or elliptical. One night I showed up and there was a swim team using all the lap lanes so I waited around enjoying the sunshine figuring I would swim laps when they were done. However, I saw that a shallow water aerobics class was starting up so I decided to join that. I normally despise shallow water aerobics (I am a deep water aerobics girl!), but this teacher was amazing, had GREAT music, and I swear I have never had a water aerobics class that kept my heart rate up as much the entire class as this one. It was great and I am going to try to make attending it a habit! My tan lines are already crazy because I wear 3 different swimsuits so I am going to have to figure out how to even it all out before the wedding in my strapless wedding dress haha!

Outdoor pool finally open! Hooray!

On a less positive note, I am sick again :( This time, I tested positive for the freaking FLU! :( I can't tell you how frustrated I am that I get sick so often… especially because I eat pretty healthy these days, take a MILLION supplements (as we bariatric patients must), take emergen-c immune boost packets, am active, and wash my hands a million times a day! Granted I nanny for a 10 month old that gets sick pretty often (and the parents usually have me with him even when he is sick) so sometimes I get sick from him, but there have been quite a few other times this year (strep 3 times and now the flu) that have nothing to do with him :(. I feel like I have been hit by a bus… chills, sweats, horrible body aches, headaches, really bad cough and runny nose, and exhaustion. I got diagnosed and got tamiflu on sunday, but so far have not seen a lot of improvement. Heres to hoping I get better in a few days!

Lastly… drum roll…. I have officially lost 50lbs since January as of today :) I weighed in at 248.4lbs and I am thrilled. The weight is coming off a little slower than I had hoped, but nonetheless it is coming off and that makes me happy. I still struggle with head hunger, but know that will take time to conquer and just need to listen to my stomach and body and ignore my brain when it comes to food right now!

248.4lbs baby! 50 pounds down since January… BOO YA!

Hope you all have had a great start to summer and are enjoying the warmer weather. I am going to go back into my blanket fort and watch some netflix again before sleeping another 10 hours because I feel like death, but hope this damn flu goes away soon!

Warmly

Caroline

Stomach Virus, Hot Springs, and Weigh In

Hey there!
So last week I got a horrific stomach virus that put me out of commission for a few days (the baby I nanny for and the mother of the baby also got it). It was scary at first because I started vomiting (obviously huge no no with recent surgery) so I immediately got myself to urgent care and got a prescription for zofran to stop the vomiting. While this helped, I was still miserable, nauseous, and sick in um… other ways… for 3 and  half days. Not fun, but as my Dad jokingly quotes from the movie "The Devil Wears Prada", you are only one stomach virus away from your goal weight! haha! I did end up dropping 6 pounds from the ordeal, but put back on 2 because I think a lot of it was water weight.

On Saturday, I finally felt better and was able to go out to meet some grad school friends for another tea party at the Denver tea room which was fun. I got a new dress which I love and felt super cute in it :)

New dress!

On Sunday, my fiancé Steve and I decided to go celebrate my perfect 4.0 GPA for all of my graduate coursework with a trip to a nearby hot springs, Indian Hot Springs in Idaho Springs, CO. The place itself was pretty rundown, but the hot springs were nice and it was great to get away, be together, relax, and reconnect.

All grades finally in… perfect 4.0 for every class I have taken in my graduate career!

On our way to the hot springs :)

While I definitely know that the switch from the lap band to the sleeve was most certainly the right decision for my health, I was reminded of my frustrations at times when we were at the hot springs. We went out for dinner to a Mexican place and all I wanted to do was be able to eat 1 whole taco and have a light margarita… of course because of this surgery, I can't do either and it can be frustrating sometimes. I ordered a light margarita and drank about a quarter of it, but then had to stop because my meal came. After getting super full from half a taco, I couldn't even think about trying to finish margarita or would have to have waited at least 30 to 45 min so I wouldn't be sick. It ultimately went to waste... In fact, going out to eat at this point is basically pointless because I am left full after a few bites and just sit there awkwardly wishing I could finish at least half of my meal. On one hand, it is amazing that I can pretty much eat a little bit of whatever I want and have ultimate portion control, but on the other hand I feel so unsatisfied most of the time when I eat because it is so little and my head wants more. Obviously, I do not NEED more and will have to learn to deal with this. 

I did a weigh in this morning and am happy with the results as I clocked in at 253.0 lbs which means I am down 4 pounds from last week. Now that the wedding is literally around the corner (August 9th… I just sent out invitations! Eek!) I am literally more motivated than ever and have tried to be more active in all that I do (work, home, taking doggy for more walks, etc.) in addition to working out. My goal is to now swim laps for an hour at least 4 times a week and do some weights 2 to 3 days a week (my upper arms are so flabby at this point from weight loss and gain and loss and gain that I feel like I have bat wings!!!). 

Down 4 pounds from last week :)

It has been raining for weeks here and the sun finally came out today which was really nice and helps add to my motivation to be outside and be more active in general. Hope you all have had a good week so far, talk to you soon!

Warmly

Caroline

NAMI Walk, Tea Party, Honeymoon, Grades, and Weekly Weigh In

Hi there!
Hope you all had a great week. This past Saturday I participated in a walk for NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) with some of my fellow graduate students to raise funds for this amazing organization. It is an organization that helps thousands of individuals with mental illness in many facets of life and helps families of loved ones with mental illness learn to cope and help. Our team raised $720 for the organization and had fun doing the walk. It was only a mile (which was rather disappointing), so my team walked the course twice.

Walking for NAMI!

Our NAMI walk team!

On Sunday, my friend Morgan had a graduation tea party which was a lot of fun, and I was able to fit back into a fancy party dress I have not worn in two years!! While I was finding the dress, I found all kinds of other summer clothes like shorts, skirts, dresses, and capris, and I fit back into EVERYTHING which is such a great feeling. And it was like going shopping again too because it had been so long since I have worn a lot of those things that I forgot I even owned them :). 

Tea party with my friend Morgan for her graduation

Pinkies up!

I weighed in this morning at 257.2lbs, which was a bit disappointing. This means I lost around a pound and a half over the last week, which although the scale is moving in the right direction, is not the number I had hoped for. It just goes to show how important exercise is in the grand scheme of everything for me. As I blogged last week, it was difficult to get decent exercise in because I was working two jobs and basically on the clock 24/7. The baby I nanny for no longer lives right near the nice lake which was 2.5 miles around that we used to walk, and it was rainy all week. We got some walks in at the mall, but not the same effect as power-walking outside or swimming laps. This is just a motivator to work harder this week and get some good exercise in!! 

About a pound and a half down from last week

Lastly, STEVE AND I ARE GOING ON A HONEYMOON!! I am so excited because we were not planning on going on a honeymoon for a while due to a lack of finances. We were utterly shocked and overwhelmed with joy when we got a call this Saturday that Steve's Aunt and Uncle bought us 4 nights 5 days and airfare to an all inclusive hotel in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico right after the wedding! I am so excited and can't wait to snorkel, swim, relax, and be on the beach all day :) Even better, the resort is one that a few of my friends have been to before and loved it so much they have now been twice! Hooray!

I am waiting on one last grade to be officially published (although I know it is an A because have added up my points etc.), and I am excited and proud to announce that I have maintained a perfect 4.0 throughout my entire graduate coursework career. As long as I get an A in practicum and internship (graded based on improvement as a therapist etc.), I will graduate magna cum laude in the Spring of next year. Hooray!

Life is good :) Here's to working harder this week on exercise to get the numbers on the scale I am hoping for.

Warmly

Caroline 

The Protein Bar and Walking for NAMI

Hi there!
Hope everyone has been having a great week. I have been very busy going from my usual nanny job straight to spending the night with a kiddo I used to nanny for (who is now 14) while his Mom is out of town, and I am anxious to go home after work today at 3:30pm because I have not been home since tuesday!! I have been getting in good walks with the baby I nanny for all week which has been better than nothing (since I couldn't go to the gym with both gigs all week).

Yesterday, I found an awesome new place to eat on the go called "The Protein Bar"… they offer a ton of great high protein, reasonable calorie, fresh, healthy food options. I ordered their "Healthy Parm" which is a rainbow quinoa blend, their own marinara (very low cal), mozzarella cheese, and shredded chicken. The whole bowl has 390 calories and 36 grams of protein, and since I still get full after 2 to 4oz, it lasted me 3 meals!! Delicious and healthy option for on the go :)

Healthy Parm from the Protein Bar!

Delicious!

I am excited for this weekend because tomorrow I am participating in the NAMI walk with a few of my fellow graduate school peers. NAMI stands for the National Alliance on Mental Illness and is an organization that supports thousands of people currently suffering with a mental illness and their families. I am participicating in this walk to raise money for the organization and have created this fundraising page because NAMI, and the work they do, is very important to me as a future therapist. My team has set out to raise $1000 for the organization through sponsoring our walk, and so far we have raised $670. If anyone has a couple extra bucks they could donate to this incredible organization, that would be amazing and help many. You can sponsor me (donate to organization) by clicking on the following link below! 

Sponsor My NAMI walk!

Have a great friday!

Warmly

Caroline 

Done with School, Found a Wedding Dress, and Weekly Weigh In!!

Hi everyone!
Sorry I haven't been on in over week… it was CRAZY swamped with all my final papers and projects for school. I had 6 major papers due in the last two weeks, and needless to say I had very little time to exercise other than taking my dog for a walk because still had to work full time, go to class, and get those papers done! I am proud to say that I am now completely done with graduate coursework and on to practicum in the fall (where I am a supervised therapist on campus for a semester) then internship in the spring (where I am a supervised therapist off-campus)!! This is so exciting because my graduate counseling program is longer than most (3 years) and I am finally down the first 2 years, and NO MORE HUGE PAPERS or COURSEWORK! While I absolutely LOVE my graduate program, it has been a huge source of stress over the last two years and been a big blockade to my fitness/weight loss progress… this is because I also had to work full time to support myself. I cannot tell you just how relieved and happy I am that I now have the time to focus on myself, losing weight, and exercising! I don't do practicum until the fall, so I have the summer off which is a first in a long time. I am just nannying this summer, wedding planning, swimming, walking, hiking, journaling, reading, and taking care of ME! Hooray!

Out celebrating the end of coursework and my best friend's birthday with my fiancé :)

I had a 6 week check in group appointment with my nutritionist last week, and it went really well. I wasn't thrilled at first about it being a "group" appointment, but actually was glad in the end because the other two women in the appointment had also switched from the lap band to the gastric sleeve and were also 6 weeks out. It was helpful to talk with the nutritionist and other women about what has been working well for each of us, what hasn't, how much we have been eating so far, etc. I have been getting a lot more "physically" hungry lately, and my nutritionist said I should stop drinking so many protein shakes and eating so much greek yogurt, and switch to high protein foods with more texture. This should keep me fuller longer. I was happy for the other two women there and the progress they have made, but the competitive person in me was glad to see that I had lost the most weight of the three of us. Of course, each of us started at a different weight, and are different people and have our own journeys etc., but nonetheless, it made me feel good. One of the women was a lot like me in the sense that with lap band she had lost about 100 pounds, but then put it back on and then some before switching to the sleeve. This once again reinforces that I am not alone in that I failed with the lap band, and am happy to be going through this journey with others. 

I have been super stoked about doing more wedding planning now that coursework is over, and I had sort of been dreading looking for a dress. I say this because most dresses need 6 to 12 weeks to come in, so I was going to have to buy one now and hope it fit by my wedding in August.  I went to David's Bridal yesterday with my maid of honor, cousins, and friend… and said YES to the dress!! I couldn't believe it… I had seriously had nightmares all week that the dresses wouldn't fit me or they wouldn't have my size, and I walked out with the most gorgeous dress. This is the dress that has been my favorite on the David's Bridal Website, but when I got to the shop, they told me it was a discontinued dress and that they did not have any more of them. I was bummed, but decided to go ahead and try on other dresses. After I tried on my first dress, the woman helping me rushed over and said that she had found one last dress of the kind I wanted… in a size 18! It was perfect! I tried it on, and it fit like a glove. She put a tiara and veil on me and I was so happy I cried. It is my perfect dress, and has a corset back so can be adjusted as I lose weight before the wedding/be taken in need be. It was on sale too as it was the last of its kind. Hooray!

I said yes to the dress!!

Crying and emotional after putting on a tiara and veil to go with the dress

My cousins, maid of honor, and friend!

Gorgeous tiara!

I woke up late today and was in a bit of a rush so did not take a picture of the scale as I normally do, but weighed in at 258.6 lbs this morning!! I am happy with this number, especially because I did not have/make the time in the last two weeks to seriously workout because finishing grad school papers and projects. In addition to my usual monday through friday nanny job, I am also spending the night at a kiddo who I used to nanny for's house for the week to watch him while his pilot mother is flying to Tel Aviv. This is challenging for working out, because if I want to workout or go to the gym he has to come with me (he is 14 years old and in trouble for having girls over already!) and he is hard to convince. This just means that I am going to try to get in a good solid walk with the baby during my day nanny job to get some exercise in!

Will get a picture of weigh in tomorrow morning.

Hope you all had a great mother's day and weekend!

Warmly

Caroline

Weekly Weigh In

Hooray! Did my weekly weigh in this morning and was delighted to see 262.6lbs on the scale :) The scale is finally moving along at a steady pace to match my efforts and it is a great feeling!

WOOHOO! 3 pounds down from last Wednesday

I have really wanted to go for a walk around Sloan's Lake (the 2 and a half mile loop I frequent at work) yesterday and today with the kiddo I nanny for, but he has a severe stomach virus so the parents have asked that I keep him at home. Been really frustrating to have to be at work when the baby is sick because I can't afford (time or money) to get sick again, but the parents are going through a lot of transitions with moving to a new house next week and the Mom switching jobs. Since I took two days off last week for strep, they really need me this week and have assured me that it is difficult to pass this virus from a baby to an adult, but regardless I have been super careful, washed my hands a million times, and avoided kisses and close snuggles. 

Unfortunately my day today is nuts (work from 8am to 1pm, then ENT doc appointment, then honor society meeting, then class until 930pm) so I will not be able to swim or walk today :(. I will have time tomorrow after work to go swim for an hour so look forward to that. 

Have a great week!

Warmly

Caroline

Tonsils from HELL, New Swimsuit, and Mid-Week Weigh In!

Hey there,
I apologize for being MIA most of last week, I had strep throat for the THIRD freaking time since January :( I have always had huge tonsils and have needed to get them removed for a number of years now, but with grad school have had a hard time finding the time to do so. I got strep on Monday night, then it continued to get worse because they gave a me a Z-pack antibiotic which I have apparently used so many times this year it was no longer effective :(. On thursday, I went back to the doc and got a steroid shot in the bum and and some penicillin and began to feel much better one day later. It was a rough week, but nurse doggy Lola took good care of me :).

Nurse Lola taking care of her human

I have an appointment with an ENT doctor on tuesday and will hopefully be able to schedule a tonsillectomy for this summer before the wedding so I don't have to deal with strep ever again!

I have loved being back in the pool, but as I mentioned in my last post, finding a comfortable athletic swimsuit that fit was a challenge (and I HATE ordering clothes/swimsuits online because you never know how they will fit). On Saturday I was feeling much better and decided to take a break from working on final papers for school to go check out some suits. I went to sports authority and to my chagrin, I found two beautiful size 16/18 TYR suits that fit me perfectly!! I have not been able to buy a speedo-esque "real" athletic suit without having to go to a specialty or plus size store since I was probably 19 years old… I was so happy I cried in the dressing room :) I chose this cool blue and tie-dye one and took it for a spin in the pool immediately after. I swam for 55 minutes and it was the most comfortable I have been swimming laps (without having to pull up my suit in the bust area or adjust it every lap or so) in forever. It was a pretty penny ($79!!), but totally worth it. 

Size 16/18 TYR!! LOVE IT!

Horrible picture of me because I was crying and a hot mess, but here is me in the suit!

I was also really pleased and surprised to see that Sports Authority now offers extended sizes in stores (1x through 4x) for all kinds of athletic stuff such as hiking clothes, yoga clothes, etc. This is a much needed and welcomed change because it can be so frustrating to have to specialty order these things online and guess sizing and pay more etc. Way to go Sports Authority!

I didn't get around to posting a weigh in last week because I was super sick with strep and tired/lazy (but STILL having to do schoolwork etc.), so here is my delayed weigh in from this last wednesday… 265.4lbs! Woohoo. I was definitely happy with that. 

Down 4lbs! Woohoo

I should have weighed myself this morning, but per my usual problem lately, I woke up late running out the door to work and did not have time. I am going to weigh in tomorrow morning which I look forward to because I did not have much of an appetite with strep last week and have been swimming and walking. 

I am truly feeling the grind (especially being sick all last week) and am counting down the days until the end of the semester in 2 weeks… I spent all day yesterday filming more family technique final sessions with my group from class then had to do/film myself conducting play therapy with a three year old which was fun, but I was gone on a sunday from 8am to 9pm which isn't much of a break or weekend! I have two papers due tomorrow at midnight, another due thursday at midnight, another two next monday by 6pm, and one last one next thursday by midnight. Needless to say I will be burning the candle at both ends and pulling my hair out until the end of next week. Wish me luck on all the papers and my weigh in tomorrow, I hope you all have a good start to your week!

Warmly

Caroline 

Beating Temptation, Swimming, and Instant Karma :)

Hey there!
Hope you all had a great weekend. Saturday I had a great day with my fiancé because it was the first "day off" we have both had together in a long time. We went to Boulder to do a cake testing with the bakery we are using for the wedding then walked around outside on Pearl street window shopping while the weather was nice for an hour or so. The cake testing was a real test of control for me, because the woman put out large pieces of cake for each flavor for us to sample. As I have talked about in other posts, sweets seem to really upset my stomach right now. Knowing this, I put a small piece of each cake flavor in my mouth and tasted it, but then spit each of them back out into a napkin (I explained my surgery to woman beforehand so she wouldn't think I was a freak of nature and totally rude!). In my head, I wanted nothing more than to eat huge bites of each delicious flavor and swallow it all, but obviously this is 1. physically impossible right now and 2. would do way more damage than the few seconds of bliss would be worth. It was actually rather empowering to be able to spit the cake out and have control.

Day together in Boulder with my fiancé!! :)

Tonight I went swimming at the gym for the third time since surgery and I was able to swim for 65 minutes which was awesome! I was only planning on swimming for 35, but had the energy and felt motivated to do more so I did. My swimsuits are all worn out at this point and don't quite fit right, so I tried to find a new one at Sports Authority, but the only size 20 swimsuit they had fit horribly and was holding anything together like it should :/ My temporary solution is to wear an old swimsuit and then wear a sports bra on top of it so it holds the girls in. I am going to look online and perhaps order one there…. There are plenty of cute swimsuits at plus size stores, but none of them are conducive to swimming laps (they are more for looking cute). I will let you know when I find one!

So here is a hilarious story that happened shortly after I got out of the pool… So after swimming I showered and was getting dressed in the locker room and these three 13 or 14 year old girls walk by me and start mooing. I turn around and begin laughing thinking to myself "just wait a decade you little shits you won't be a size zero either". Then they do the same thing to another heavy woman who turns around, stops dressing herself and sits down in the bench and starts sobbing. The girls booked it out of the locker room and I attempted to console the woman. The woman had a medical condition which required her to take meds that made her put on weight and she was already very self conscious of this.

After making sure the woman was no longer sobbing and OK, I walk outside to head to my car and see the three girls waiting on the curb presumably for a ride. I give them the stink eye and begin walking to my car when I see a van pull up. I thought to myself, I bet their ride would love to hear about how these girls treated people in the locker room. I run to the car and knock on the window and a middle aged woman rolled down her window confused.

I told her that I was sorry to bother her but that the three girls that just got in her van were harassing overweight women in the locker room and made someone cry. The woman's jaw dropped and before any of the girls could say anything she started yelling at them saying she couldn't believe how disrespectful they were then she made EACH of them apologize to me. She then told them that she was bringing them home now instead of to a movie and that one of them (I assume her daughter) was grounded. She then apologized to me and said she would take care of it and gave me her number to call if I ever saw them acting like that again in the locker room.

I thanked the woman and they drove off and I just smiled and waved. Moral of the story is that it doesn't pay to be an asshole! What an awesome mother for reacting the way she did. I bet those little shits will think twice about harassing anyone again (at least at lifetime gym!!!)

I feel lucky that at this point I can let things like that roll off my back and not bother me, but then again I have grown a thick skin at this point AND have the advantage of having extensive schooling and training to be a therapist so have techniques for coping with crap like this. This encounter just furthers my interest in working with teenagers as a therapist because I work well with this group… I am able to put up with their selfishness, obnoxious behavior, and comments, but not let it bother me (but I won't let them get away with it either!! ;)

Anyway, I have been taking magnesium potassium vitamin pills and this has really been helping regulate my digestive system etc. and I am really looking forward to my weigh in in the morning. Talk to you all tomorrow!

Warmly

Caroline

Weekend Update and Weekly Weigh In

Hey there
Hope you all had a great weekend. This weekend was my last crazy weekend class and it was actually kind of bittersweet... It was my family techniques class that I have had once a month fridays 5pm to 10pm and saturdays 8am to 5pm which was really intense, but I learned so so much and got a lot of actual counseling practice and role-play in. At the end of saturday, we did a really cool activity where we wrote down our name on a piece of paper, and then passed that piece of paper around and everyone else (including my teacher) had to write one word to describe that person. After everyone put a word on the paper, we got them back and it was really cool to see what everyone had written. Sometimes, despite my accomplishments etc. I can get really down on myself for my weight and I am scared that it conveys to other people. It was really awesome to see that my peers think I am bold, creative, strong, and encouraging :) I am definitely saving this piece of paper to pull out on a rainy day where I feel like crap about myself!

                              Very cool closing activity :) Love what my peers wrote about me!

Sunday I took it easy and caught up on schoolwork, then went on a date with my fiancé Steve (which we haven't done since my surgery!). It was really nice to spend some quality one on one time with him and he cooked me dinner (we had chicken tacos and I ate the meat without the tortilla).

Family time!

So this morning I was looking forward to getting on the scale, because I have been fast walking like crazy and still sticking my soft diet. When I got on the scale, it was 269.0, which was actually kind of disappointing :( I weighed in at 270.6 last week, so thats about a pound and a half, but I truly thought I would have been down to at least 267lbs with how much exercise I have been getting in. I am trying not to get too focused on the exact number and just be happy that the number is going in the right direction, but it is still really frustrating. One thing I forgot to post about my doc appointment I had last week is that my bariatric doc told me to get off the Miralax because he said laxatives are bad for gastric sleeve patients because 1. It forces food faster through the system and doesn't allow for full absorption of nutrients (which is already not as good bc of small tummy) and 2. Because I could become dependent on using laxatives as the only way to have a BM. Per his instructions, I stopped taking Miralax on wednesday, and starting using what he recommended which is a probiotic and a fiber supplement. Unfortunately, I still have not had a BM since getting off Miralax which is now a full 6 days. I am hoping that this is contributing to my disappointing weigh in, but regardless will keep trucking on and doing what I am supposed to be.

Down 1.6lbs from last week (last week I weighed 270.6 lbs)

Although I have been fast walking a lot, I have really wanted to start jogging again. I did track and cross country in middle school and some of high school, and used to really enjoy running/jogging. Today I went around Sloan's Lake with the baby I nanny for (something I try to do at least 3 times a week), but mixed jogging in with fast walking. I could only really jog for a full 60 seconds at a time, but I tried to do 60 seconds of jogging, 4 min walking, 60 seconds jogging, 4 minutes walking etc. Overall time is slower than on my own regardless because pushing the stroller at the same time and making sure baby is entertained if he isn't napping, but I am going to continue to increase the interval of jogging to try to get to at least be able to jog a full mile again. 

Walk/Jog around Sloan's Lake today

Today I bought a new multivitamin at GNC because I have been finding that the chewable big nasty bariatric ones are making me nauseous, and I am at the point where swallowing pills are no big deal. I saw a product I definitely want to try when I am eventually on normal foods which is PROTEIN CHIPS!! 120 calories for an entire bag and 20 grams of whey protein… yum! Obviously will be an every once and a while thing, but cool to see that people are making more protein snack options. If they taste good will be the question ;).

Anyway, I am not going to let this weigh in get me down and continue to push on, exercise, portion and eat right, and get through the rest of the semester. Talk to you all soon!

Warmly

Caroline

First Post Op Doc Appointment and First Dumping Syndrome Incident

Hey there…
Yesterday I had my first post op visit with my bariatric doctor and it went really great. My incisions look awesome (he went back through the incisions I had from lap band in 2012) and are healing really well. He cleared me for swimming and more/other exercise, which is awesome. He is usually kind of a stoic guy, so it felt really great to hear him tell me I was "doing great kiddo" and have him assure me that I was right on track. I have been keeping a little notebook with me and writing down everything I have been putting in my body and logging my exercise, so I showed him that too.

On a less positive note, I have been totally overwhelmed by the insane amount of projects and papers I have due for graduate school this month… I am seriously feeling the crunch and stress and feel totally overwhelmed with working, going to school, finishing all these assignments and trying to get some self care in somewhere. Yesterday I was particularly exhausted and needed a pick me up before meeting with a group for class... I ended up trying what I thought would be delicious… coffee AND protein! It was WAAAY too sweet for me, and about a quarter way through the drink I felt sick to my stomach and put it down.

                                                                       Never again!!

Within about twenty minutes, I suddenly felt nauseous, dizzy, and broke out into a sweat. I couldn't even drink water without still feeling nauseous. After about 30 minutes of this, I felt a little better and figured that hopefully everything would now be OK. Unfortunately, two hours later I began dry heaving, my stomach was killing me, and I felt weak, sick, and completely nauseated again. I now realize that this was probably dumping syndrome. Because such a large portion of my stomach was removed, things like sugar move much more quickly or "dump" into the intestines very quickly and can cause these types of reactions. Before surgery, this drink would not have tasted too sweet for me, but I now know from this incident that I cannot drink things this sweet. I felt sick pretty much the rest of the night, and was able to get some watered down crystal light and anti-nausea medication down the hatch before calling it a night and going to sleep.

I felt all better this morning when I woke up, but unfortunately got a devastating phone call from a friend's mother that my friend had passed away :( My friend Brandy had cerebral palsy and her mother was told when she was 2 years old that she probably would not live to be 10 due to the severity of her condition and other confounding medical problems. Brandy not only lived to be 10, but overcome all odds and lived to celebrate her 29th birthday in March. She often had seizures, and she had a series of them in a row that her body just couldn't handle. I am heartbroken by this news, but also so so grateful for the time I had with her and all of the memories we shared and am glad she is no longer in pain. I can still see her sweet smile when I close my eyes and know that she is still smiling, now from above.

Have a good rest of the week.

Warmly
Caroline

Weekly Weigh In!!

Hi there
I woke up today and shortly after had a HUGE smile on my face, because I am FINALLY seeing some results on the scale. I officially weighed in at 270.6, which means I have lost another 3 pounds. I am so relieved, because it was very frustrating to not see any results last week when I was doing everything I was supposed to. I think my body is finally starting to realize that this is the new "normal" and adjusting instead of fighting the changes.

Finally some results!! Happy Caroline :)

Today was a busy day full of catching up on school work, cleaning, and doing laundry etc. I did get in a nice 2.5 mile walk in my neighborhood which, even on a cloudy day, is beautiful because you can see the mountains (one of the many many reasons I love living in Colorado!). 

View on my neighborhood walks

I go back to work tomorrow and am excited to see my 7 month old buddy again. I have class right after work, so I am officially back in the full swing of things. I am going to get in a nice long walk for one of the kiddo's naps (he naps better in the stroller than anywhere else!), then the family I nanny for has said I can shower there before class which solves my dilemma of not wanting to get too sweaty or walk too far on work days where I have class after. I am excited to see my doctor on wednesday for my first follow up appointment and show him all of my progress! 

Hope you all had a good start to the week :)

Warmly

Caroline

Holding fuzzy Baby Chickens, Delicious Meatloaf, and Relief:)

Hey there!
Hope everyone had a wonderful Sunday (and Easter if you celebrate!). Today was mostly spent slaving over finishing my 13 page paper, but I had a wonderful break hanging out with my friend Morgan and holding her new fuzzy baby chickens! They were fuzzy and totally adorable and I may or may not have  tried to walk out with one ;) Enough craziness here without adding in baby chickens, but very cool to have a friend who is raising some for eggs/as pets.

 Holding Baby Fuzzy Chickens!!

I went on a nice evening walk tonight in my neighborhood before dinner and wore my new regular size  women's XL workout gear from Old Navy which made me feel great. I walked for 2.69 miles and my pace is fastest it has been since surgery (about 18 minutes and 20 seconds a mile) which was nice. 

New workout gear!

Nice early evening walk

So I am not officially supposed to start my pureed diet until tomorrow, but I started early tonight by having my fiancé Steve make his amazing home made meatloaf. He was really sweet and put everything in the food processor before cooking it so that it would be nice and small pieces that would go down easily for me. It was the most amazing thing I have eaten since surgery… I took my time, chewed everything very carefully and fully, and was able to eat 2.5oz in about 25 minutes then stopped. And, I actually felt really full (but not too full!) I got a nice food scale before surgery and it has been really useful with making sure I weigh out between 2 to 4oz for right now to make sure I keep my portions down and don't overdo it. Totally amazing to eat this little and be this sated and full. I am loving this as I have struggled with feeling full even with the lap band at times…this is a very good sign going forward! 

Sorry for the TMI again but I posted a few days ago that I was struggling with being backed up and not having a real BM since surgery which was frustrating. Because I am also posting for others with bariatric surgery I wanted to put it out there that Miralax is a lifesaver. I started using it a few days ago and the problem has been resolving and I feel much better. I am hoping for a better weigh in from this tomorrow!

The family I nanny for gets back into town tomorrow night, so I have one more day off work tomorrow that I will use to go on a nice long walk and get started on the many many upcoming assignments I have due for graduate school. I am looking forward to now being on a soft pureed diet officially because it now means I can eat greek yogurt and meat… YAY for real food!!

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Warmly

Caroline

Old Navy= Best Confidence Boost EVER

Hey there!
While taking a break from working on finishing the 13 page paper I have due tomorrow night, I went to the gym for the first time since surgery (all of my walks thus far have been outside because it has been beautiful out!). I did the elliptical for about 30 minutes and it actually felt really good! I didn't go as hard as I usually would as I still need to get clearance from doc on wednesday, but nonetheless I enjoyed being back in the gym.

After the gym I decided to go into Old Navy because I have ordered some great plus size workout gear online from in the past and could use a few new pairs of workout leggings. After I walked in, I immediately remembered that Old Navy only has their plus sizes online and almost left, but decided to take a look around anyway. I picked out some cute workout leggings and shirts in their regular size XXL to see if they MIGHT fit, but expected them not to. I was absolutely ASTONISHED to find out that not only did the regular XXL fit, but they were TOO BIG!!!! I ended up buying REGULAR XL workout stuff and was happy as a clam. I have not felt this good about trying on clothes in who knows how long (nor have I been able to buy a regular XL in a non-plus size store! :) I also happened to find an amazing pair of linen pants with a stretchy top which is PERFECT for me because they are professional enough for doing clinicals and observations at school, but comfortable enough to wear on my tummy with incisions (and very cute!).

Hell Yes! Regular XL linen pants with stretchy top at Old Navy

It was an absolutely gorgeous day out and on my way home I took a gorgeous shot of the sunset… A great end to a great day. Hope you all are enjoying your weekend as much as I am (minus the dumb paper).

Warmly

Caroline

Incision soreness, Senioritis, Wedding planning, and Matzo Balls!

Hey there!
Hope everyone had a great week thus far. So on wednesday when I walked farther than I had since surgery, I ended up taking my little dachshund doggie Lola on a walk when I got home from work. I ended up getting lost in my own neighborhood (we just moved here in January) and walked an additional mile and a half or so! Lola was pooped and so was I, and when I woke up the next day I noticed that I was incredibly sore on my right side incision and my stomach hurt a lot. The pain was pretty severe and I called my doc and was able to speak to the nurse there who told me it could be a number of things… I may have overdid it with the exercise, lifted the baby I nanny for too soon, or eaten too quickly. Either way, she told me to take it easy for a day or two which is what I have done.

This is my last semester of course work in graduate school before I do practicum (being a supervised therapist on campus for a semester), then internship (being a supervised therapist for free somewhere in the real world), and then graduate with my masters, and I have a serious case of senioritis! I have about a month left before summer and it has been really hard to focus on the many many assignments I have due when I am so excited about recovering, working out, losing weight, and planning my upcoming wedding! Today my fiancé and I met with out florist and bought his wedding band which was really exciting. I can't wait until I can devote all of my time to pinterest and planning every detail of my upcoming August Wedding, but  I have a 13 page paper that is due sunday at midnight that needs to get finished :(. I just need to be patient and budget my time between everything but realize that recovering and finishing this semester (and hopefully maintaining my 4.0) is my number one priority right now.


Tonight was the first night of passover and I celebrated it with my best friend and her brother, his wife, and their two kiddos. I wasn't able to eat much because still technically on full liquids, but definitely offered to make and bring the matzo ball soup which was sheer heaven. My doctor has told me to avoid booze until my wedding, but I had sips of wine for the seder when required and did just fine.

                                                     Matzoball soup is good for the soul!

I am definitely planning on getting some good walks in this weekend (but not overdoing it) in between catching up on the crazy amount of assignments I have due for school, and look forward to weighing in on monday. I am also looking forward to my first post-op appointment with my bariatric doctor on wednesday. I hope you all have a great weekend celebrating Passover, Easter, Spring or whatever!

Warmly
Caroline

Weigh in, exercise, and chili!

Hey again
So yesterday I was absolutely STARVING and frustrated and called one of my fiancé's Aunts who has also recently gotten the gastric sleeve done. She suggested asking my doctor if I could have chili (as long as pureed) because she found that low calorie, high protein, and filing around a week out where I am now. I called my doc and the nurse there gave me the go ahead telling me to take it slow and see if my new stomach could handle it. Lucky for me… it did! I must be a freak of nature because I have only  had chili one other time in my life because I am a very picky eater (and I believe it was drunken munchies with a friend so I probably would have eaten a shoelace) and I now LOVE IT! I ordered a cup of bison chili from Ted's Montana grill right by campus and it was delicious, tasty, and very filling. I was able to eat 3oz and for the first time since surgery felt like I actually had energy and was full. A full 8oz serving only has 210 calories and 20 grams of protein, so 105 calories and 10 grams of protein AND tasty is AMAZING. I am totally going to make a big crock pot of it at home and freeze some for whenever!

                                          If you like chili, this is amazing! Ted's Montana Grill

Being back in class wasn't bad after having some chili and feeling full of energy :) This morning I woke up excited to get on the scale, then was utterly flabbergasted that it STILL reads 273!!! How could this be?! I have literally been only eating liquids (mostly protein shakes) and about 400 to 600 calories a day since surgery! I have also been walking every day further and further. Frustrated, I turned to a bariatric forum I belong to and wrote about my dilemma. Apparently this is pretty normal after sleeve surgery. I guess my body is in shock from the surgery and from the lack of calories (and not to mention I still haven't had a BM since surgery). Other people on the forum wrote about this happening to them at first too, but then dropping between 5 to 10 pounds another week later. I am trying not to get discouraged because I know I am doing everything I need to do (eating right/what I am supposed to, drinking enough water, sleeping well, taking vitamins, going to therapy, exercising) so I just need to be patient and let my body heal.

I went back to work today(nannying) and it was SO great to see my little buddy! He is seriously the most smiley, happy kiddo I have ever nannied for and I missed him a lot while I was recovering last week. We went to a nearby park and fed duckies, laid in the grass, went on the swing, and goofed around. It was 75 degrees and sunny so it was sheer bliss!

                                                       My 7 month old buddy Ravi!

When it came time for little man's nap, I put him in the stroller and did a walk I had been doing pretty regularly before surgery around Sloan's Lake (2 and half miles around). My pace was not as fast as it had been before surgery, but this is the longest walk I have done since surgery 9 days ago and it felt great. I got a Fitbit Charge HR a few weeks before surgery and I love tracking how many steps I take, my heart rate, and calories burned! I am also using a cool little app called Map My Walk on my phone which logs how far you walk and your exact pace.

Longest walk since surgery 9 days ago!

The family I nanny for is going out of town tomorrow for passover until monday night so while I will miss my buddy again, it will be nice to have another few days off to catch up on life and homework and recovering. Hope you all are having a great week so far!

Warmly

Caroline

Hunger… and BAD breath!

Today is the first day that I woke up STARVING and actually really hungry since surgery… prior to surgery I always woke up very hungry and first thing I did when I woke up was breakfast. I gulped down my liquid vitamin crystals then drank 6 oz of a protein shake which took the edge off, but doing all liquid for another week is going to be tough :/ Nonetheless I am going to stick to it (mostly for fear of stretching/damaging my new stomach). Something I have also noticed over the last week is that my breath is super stinky from being in ketosis… from a lack of carbs and being on all liquid my body is burning fat into a chemical called ketones which make your breath and urine smell awful! This wasn't an issue the past week as I was either in the hospital or at home, but tonight I have to go to class :/ I will be heavily armed with sugar free mints!

I don't have class until 6:30pm tonight but think that I am going to head to campus early and get a jump start on some projects I have due soon… I am hoping that being out and about on campus will keep my mind off wanting food (versus sitting around at home constantly thinking about it!). I am also excited to go to work tomorrow… The wonderful family I nannied for over the course of last year moved too far away to commute to so I started with another amazing family this past January who has a 7 month old baby boy named Ravi. He is ADORABLE and I have missed him the last week and a half! I can't wait to see him tomorrow. I am also going to get on the scale again tomorrow morning to see my progress! Wish me luck ;)

Warmly
Caroline

Finally switched to the gastric sleeve!

Hey there... been a long time, but I am proud to announce that I have finally switched to the gastric sleeve! I had surgery (lapband removal + gastric sleeve) 7 days ago (March 27th) and am recovering well. I had to take another 6 months of nutritional classes to have the revision covered by my insurance, but it was well worth the wait.

What is the gastric sleeve you ask? Watch this video for a quick explanation :)

So before I get into how surgery was and my recovery so far, I need to eat a bit of humble pie. I had unfortunately put on ALOT of weight in the later part of 2013 and most of 2014... much more than I ever wanted to admit. When I went into surgery for lapband I weighed 304lbs, and by November of 2014 I was back up to 298lbs. It was the scariest thing in the world... here I was maintaining a 4.0 in graduate school, an officer in the counseling honor society, a mentor in my program, and working fulltime, but suddenly almost right back to the exact scary place I was years ago. It was daunting and humiliating that while everything else in my life was amazing, I had lost control of my weight and eating again. I was eating horribly and on the go all the time, and getting sick often from both poor choices and good ones. I contacted my bariatric doctor and we together decided that a switch to the gastric sleeve would be a much better option. I knew in my heart however, that I needed to seek counseling because until I could get a grip on the psychological aspect of my eating, nothing would ever work long term.

As a future therapist myself ( I am finishing graduate school to become a clinical mental health counselor) I am definitely a huge proponent of therapy, but had totally forgotten how scary it can be to be in the client role. I did not like my first therapist, but luckily found an amazing one shortly after that I have been seeing since November. I feel like I have accomplished alot with her and have gotten a much better grip on my unhealthy relationship with food. Since seeing her, I started working out again, began to eat better, and I went from 298lbs to 283lbs by early February. I am going to continue to see her twice a month to continue to work on my relationship with food.

Now onto my surgery! I was really lucky because my Mom came out again to take care of me for surgery :) I had to do a 3 day clear liquid diet prior to surgery which was totally awful (I had to do the same for lapband surgery back in 2012 and forgot how horrible it was!) but managed to get through it without mauling anyone. I clocked in at 279lbs the morning of surgery and was pretty excited. When I woke up from surgery, I was in alot of pain and very nauseous. I felt much more pain and gas with this surgery than lapband, but I was also in the hospital for 3 nights (whereas with lapband I was home the same day as surgery). Most gastric sleeve patients stay only 1 night to 2, but I had to stay longer because was throwing up some residual blood from the surgery and unable to keep liquids down for the first 2 days. 

Day 1 and 2 were sheer hell in the hospital... I was super bloated, gassy, and in more pain than I had ever felt. The pain meds via IV were making me too nauseated, but I couldn't swallow a pill yet to take anything else. My Mom brought me a popsicle and I was finally able to keep that down and got more liquid down by adding water to the popsicle and smushing it into a slushie of sorts. Despite all of this, however, the nurses on the floor called me the lap queen because I was really good about getting up every hour and a half or so and taking a walk around the floor with my IV stand. Day 3 was a huge turnaround, and I was able to keep liquids down, and was finally released home on day 4.

Since being home, I have been on a full liquid diet which is essentially a clear liquid diet plus protein shakes. I have been doing well with this and tolerating the protein shakes, but at day 7 I am now finally beginning to feel hunger again and am totally sick of liquids and craving "real" food. My stomach is really confused (and rightfully so now that 85 percent of it has been removed!) and everything feels strange. It is tough to tell when I am hungry or when I am full, but that is due to the nerve endings being in shock, and this should improve daily. Eating is a new ballgame as well... I am having to relearn how to tell when I am full. So far, I am able to tolerate about 2oz to 4oz in a sitting of a protein shake and know to stop when I get this little burp followed by a rumble in my tummy. I will be on a full liquid diet for another week before I move up to a pureed diet. 

I have been walking a little bit further with my dog Lola each day and feel that I will probably be back into an hour walking workout in another week. I am still pretty sore and still taking pain meds to manage this, but have decreased the frequency and amount as of today. My doc went through most of the old incisions from lapband which I am happy about because was afraid of new scars and a "frankentummy". The incisions seem to be healing nicely thus far. I go back to school tomorrow and luckily only have to work one day this week (nannying), but have had a solid 7 days off from everything and feel ready to start to get back in the swing of things. 

It feels good to be back blogging, and I am excited to progress and heal from surgery :) Talk to you all again soon!

Warmly

Caroline