Long Weekend, Best Friends Birthday AND Another 4 Pounds Down!

This was a CRAZY weekend for me... I worked my first "real" weekend morning shift at Mimi's cafe on Saturday from 8am until 3:45pm, then worked again on Sunday from 8am until 4pm. Needless to say, I was absolutely exhausted and crazy tired. Saturday was really horrible and I had a group of very stuck up ladies complain about me to my manager because I didn't ring in the 99 cent off deal for the soup and salad... Once they pointed that out on the receipt to me I apologized and fixed it right away but they claimed I had a "bad attitude" about fixing it or something...they made such a fuss instead of just talking to me about it that my manager comped their whole ticket which was 141 bucks! It was so frustrating because I am super nice to all of the customers and generally pride myself on my positive upbeat attitude and I literally kissed their asses the whole time I waited on them. It didn't make any sense and really hurt my feelings... I ended up bursting into tears which was embarrassing (I was already having sort of a bad day because I got yelled at for a mistake by a cook etc...). I also received zero tip for that table which was a bummer :( Luckily, I have the best manager ever and he sat me down and told me everything was going to be OK and that he wasn't upset with me (and that those ladies were spoiled bitches!). I was so relieved he was so understanding!

Sunday was much much better though, I had a great bunch of customers and some really nice tips and people... definitely helps and makes the shift go by faster! I am still not quite used to being on my feet all day so they have been KILLING me after such long shifts, but I bought myself a little home foot spa last night and soaked my piggies in epsom salt which was heaven. I was wondering how many calories I potentially burned waitressing for that many hours and according to three different calorie calculators, even if I was waiting tables at a slow pace (which I wasn't!) I apparently burned about 3,300 calories in 6 and a half hours! That is totally nuts, but I believe it because I hopped on the scale just now and it reads 283.4 :) That is four pounds down from last tuesday which is great. I was going to post my new weigh in tomorrow morning, but I am working a super long day (7:30am to 2:45pm at Mimi's, then Nannying right after) so I figured I'd post it now.

Today was my best friend Keren's birthday and we had a blast despite ALL of our plans falling through... We planned on going to the Denver Art Museum to see a Yves Saint Lauren exhibit, but alas they are closed on Mondays (which we did not realize until we were already there!) So instead we walked around Denver for a bit then decided on getting cocktails somewhere. I don't normally drink frozen drinks or really even alcohol anymore because of the empty calories, but what the hell! It was my bestie's birthday and I worked my ass off this weekend. We then decided to go see an IMAX at the Denver Museum of Science about the Artic, but of course the last showing of that particular movie was right when we decided to go. Ultimately, we just ended up hanging out at her place watching bad tv and enjoying ourselves. I had a great day, but definitely ate way past my calorie budget today which is hard to not feel guilt ridden :/ However, I did not overeat at all this week and managed to stay in my calorie budget and exercise and/or waitress everyday, so I can't be too hard on myself! That was my treat for the week and tomorrow back on track.

Tonight is my last dose of antibiotics for my infection (which seems to have healed up) and I am scheduled for my first saline fill in my band (which will make it tighter and more restricting) on Thursday which is exciting and also a little scary because they they put it in through a giant needle through my port near my stomach... Luckily Keren said she will come with me to hold my hand if it hurts/I am scared which is nice :) We are going to try to actually catch the art exhibit earlier in Denver that day too before the appointment! I also just joined a neat forum called LapBandTalk which is a forum/chat for people who have had lapband, thinking about getting lapband, or are pre-surgery. It is actually pretty neat because I have been able to help answer questions/concerns for some people who are pre surgery as well as share and compare my current experiences with lapband and weight loss with others going through the same thing.

Anyway, I am super tired and must get to sleep for my super early shift at Mimi's... sorry for the long post, I had alot to catch up on! More later :)

Caroline VS Hunger... a constant battle

So that nice "Wow I feel super full!" after eating only about 800-1000 calories a day is WAY over... I guess it is apparently normal to feel that way for a week or two after surgery, but then it doesn't last. I am STARVING... my hunger is back in full force and I feel like I want to raid a bakery multiple times a day. It is such a horrible feeling to constantly fight. The nurse at my bariatric clinic said this is totally normal because I haven't "turned on" my lap band by having a fill yet to make it tighter. I was supposed to have my first fill this past Thursday but because I am still on antibiotics, they are making me wait one more week :( Even then I will still be hungry because they only put about 1cc of saline in at a time and it really takes 4 or 5 fills to feel the fullness after only one cup of food per meal. SIGH. I will eventually get there.

I am really proud of myself though because despite the constant hunger/urge to eat more than 1000-1400 calories a day, I have done a really great job of staying within my limit. I don't completely deprive myself and give myself little "treats" every once and a while such as a little ice cream and what not, just as long as I stay in my calorie budget. It is freaking hard though! However, my will power is stronger than ever and I love seeing the results of my hard work each week. I will never again let food have power over me because I am a strong and getting stronger each and every day. I am finally beginning to seriously feel in control of my eating habits for the first time in years.

I went to a noon swim class today which was fun and then nannied Cody for the afternoon where we played outside because it was a gorgeous day. I kept it super low key tonight because tomorrow I have my first real super long morning shift at Mimi's at 9am which is going to be CRAZY busy and packed but I will get a great workout and hopefully some great tips too! Hopefully I will survive :D Goodnight bloggers!

Comparison Pics

Looking at my pics side by side, I only notice little differences... my face looks a bit thinner and I am a little less wide. Hopefully I will notice greater changes with more weight loss :) I will post some more pics/comparison pics in 3 more weeks. Anyway, I have off from both jobs today which is nice so I am off for a walk before it storms then to swim class at 8 WOOT. Here are the comparison pics!

New Biggest Loser- Style Pics

I finally got around to taking them! Here is me in the same outfit I wore April 1st 2012 when I weighed 299 pounds... I now weigh 287 :) I will also post side by side comparison pics next!

Exhausted, but Very Good Productive Day :)

AH I can finally sit down lol. I took another little boy I sometimes nanny for to school today at 7am, then went to a water zumba class, then another swim class, then picked up Cody from school THEN worked a dinner shift at Mimi's. Needless to say, I am exhausted! It was a great day however... I made $75 in tips tonight at Mimi's... woohoo!

Another highlight of my day was finding mini whole wheat bobali breads to make mini healthy pizzas on! I bought a package from the store and found a great low-calorie high-protein pizza recipe... I used low cal pesto as a sauce, then low cal mozzarella cheese on top with sliced mushrooms and chicken. It was delicious and I ate just half which was only about 400 calories and a great high protein meal :) I will eat the other half tomorrow.

I still have not played with my Wii Fit because I have been so busy, but plan to tomorrow before I pick up Cody from school. I also plan to take my "biggest loser- style" photos tomorrow morning for comparison to 3 weeks ago... I was going to take them yesterday but by the time I had time, I had eaten and was bloated and not feeling up for it. I am too tired tonight, but will tomorrow morning for sure :) I might even put the pics from 3 weeks ago next to pics from tomorrow for side by side comparison (fancy, eh?). Anyways, goodnight for now!

2 More Pounds From Friday, 4 Pounds Down Total From Last Week!

BOOOYAH! I just hopped on the scale this morning and it read 287 lbs WOOOT! That is another 2 pounds down from Friday, and 4 pounds down total from last weeks weigh in.... they haven't even filled my band with saline to make it tighter yet either! I am super proud of myself :) That is 31lbs down total from a week before surgery (I weighed 318lbs then lost 14lb 3 days before surgery on a required sugar free liquid diet) and 17lbs down since my actual surgery date when I weighed 304! It felt great to back in the water again yesterday (where I burned about 400 calories in my class) AND I also waitressed last night at Mimi's for almost 6 hours which probably burned quite a few calories as well. Feeling super great, I love seeing results because it just makes my will to keep going even stronger. I will post pics of my body for comparison later today.

SOO in other news, I have changed my mind again about my work situation and have decided to keep my nanny job at least through the end of the summer. I thought really hard about it and realized that not only do I get a FULL paid month off in July if I keep nannying, but that I will also receive a really nice two year bonus in August. If I were to work full time at Mimi's and I end up going to Israel, that would a 12-14 unpaid break and I would not be able to afford my rent. And being with Cody 8 hours a day won't be so bad because I realized that I have a rec membership here in town and can take him to the pool everyday if we wanted! Also, after working my first "real" busy shift at Mimi's last night, I decided I would probably be miserable doing it full time because I was so entirely exhausted. Besides, when I have time off from nannying, I can always pick up more shifts at Mimi's. I have not mentioned anything to my nanny boss so she won't know the difference, but I have already told my manager at Mimi's that I would start working full time starting in three weeks. I am just going to white lie and tell him that I tried to quit at the nanny job, but she really really needs me and convinced me to stay. Hopefully he will understand and still allow me to stay on part time. He seems like a really understanding awesome guy, and I am letting him know ASAP/three weeks in advance so that should give him time to find someone else for full time and still let me do part time. SIGH. I feel much better now that I have made my decision :).

More to come later today...

Back in the Pool... HURRAH!

Thank goodness, my incision site has closed up again and I was OK'd to get back in the pool today :) YAY! However, my doc wants me to wait one more week before my first fill because he wants me to finish the antibiotics before they do that. Kind of a bummer, but one more week is no big deal. I found a used "Wii-FIT plus" board and program on craigslist for $50 bucks and bought it. This will be awesome because now I can use the program at home as well as buy other programs that require the board such as "biggest loser workout" for wii and "zumba dance" for wii. Fun fun! 

I have gotten back on schedule about my vitamins and liquid intake etc... now that I am not crazy busy which is good. I thought alot and really hard this weekend and made my final decision to quit my nanny job and work full time at Mimi's Cafe until grad school. This was a very tough decision and I know my boss (and Cody) will be very disappointed, but I need to do what is right for me right now. I am going to give my boss three weeks instead of just two to find a replacement nanny which should help. My manager at Mimi's is being very understanding of that which is awesome. I have today off from nannying so I am off to a noon swim class and then am working a dinner shift at Mimi's at 5:30pm tonight which will be nice. 

I went out to the movies and saw "Chimpanzee" which was super cute with Steve on Saturday night, and guess what? ANOTHER pair of jeans fits me again! HOOORAY! I feel better and better every day... I am so glad I had lapband and for the continued support of my friends and family. 

It is so nice to be able to fit in my clothes again :) Anyway, I will post my weigh in as well as a sports bra/capris photo again (3 weeks since the last) to show my improvements. Much love to all!!

Possibilities AND already another 2 lbs down :)

WOOHOO... So I know I really should only weigh myself once a week, but I couldn't help myself...I was nervous/scared that because I didn't exercise all week (bc I was working around the clock) that I wasn't going to lose any weight. Thankfully I was wrong :) I am 289, and that is in the middle of the day after I have eaten! Yay, another 2 lbs down already this week. Very exciting. My doc called to check on my infected incision (which is looking better) and prescribed me some more antibiotics to take for another week just to be sure. I am scheduled for my first fill this next thursday as long as my infection is gone by then!

I have been thinking about going to graduate school for Mental Health Counseling for a while now, but was sort of putting off writing my entrance essays etc... However, I talked to my best friend for quite some time today as well as an advisor from CU Denver, and I am going to get on top of it! I have until September 15th to apply for the Spring semester starting in January 2013. This is really exciting... even though my GPA isn't the best in the world, I did really stellar on my GRE test back in December and am pretty good at writing papers. I have decided here and now that I am going to start seriously work on getting everything I need together to apply very soon.

Mimi's has been great and today I actually got to wait some tables towards the end of my training shift and make a little bit of money which was nice. My feet are still killing me though! I love being busy and moving around so much though, clearly it has already paid off!

On another note, I am seriously considering quitting my nanny job and working full time at Mimi's until I apply/find out if I get into graduate school. I love the boy I nanny for, but am having a really hard time dealing with the stress of a hoarded filthy house all the time and the fact that the boy has learning disabilities that aren't being addressed or helped by his Mother or school in any way. Cody is a very creative and bright boy, but he is in 5th grade and still cannot put a paragraph together and does not know how to use punctuation. This really scares me and his Mother's response is "He will figure it out eventually". He goes to a charter school which doesn't have the funding/resources for extra help for Cody, so they just keep coasting him grade to grade and his Mom won't switch him to a public school or pay for him to have tutoring. His Mom does not do any homework with him or check his project schedule and she leaves it all for me at the last minute. She has even asked me multiple times to just basically "do" his projects for him which is absurd. I won't do that and I don't agree with it at all... He had a very simple project the other night where all he had to do was look up 15 facts on Jesse James the American west outlaw in google and cite the source. He could even just copy and paste, yet this was somehow too much for him. He threw his laptop across the room and had a total fit and said "I don't care if I fail". He is so lazy and gives up so easily because he has always had everything done for him. This kills me and his Mother sees absolutely no problem with it... It makes me so sad to see him struggle with such simple tasks everyday. Cody also still sleeps in his Mother's room (in a separate bed) which I find incredibly creepy and bizarre. He has his own room and is 11 years old and going through puberty very early... He needs his own space!! The house is hoarded/a disaster, and I can't really get a raise even though I have been with them for almost 2 years now. It is really difficult because I care about Cody and his mother immensely, but I am too attached to Cody to deal with the stress of him not getting the help he needs and his Mother is too delusional to change her way of thinking and deal with it. I will always love Cody and I will visit him often if/when I leave, but this environment is no longer a healthy one for me to be in everyday. I care about Cody too much to see such neglect in his education from his own Mother. And it's not that his mother hasn't been good to me, she has been a good employer and a caring friend, but I just don't agree with the way she is raising her son and no longer wish to be so stressed out all the time/involved in the overall situation.

Many things to think about. Anyway, unfortunately my best friend's Great Aunt just passed away so I am going to go console her and be with her for the rest of the day. That's all for now!

Busy Busy Bee

PHEW. This week I have been busier than I have been in a very long time... I have had to sleep at the house where I nanny since Monday (because the Mother is out of town) and training at Mimi's which has been super hectic! Basically I wake up at 6:25am, take Cody to school at 7:45am, then rush off to Mimi's to train from 8:15am until 2:45pm, then pick Cody up again and help him with his homework, make dinner, etc... I cannot express how tired I am! I unfortunately have had a hard time getting all of my calcium and liquids because I am so crunched for time and busy. I also have not had time (nor the energy) to exercise on the treadmill either because I can't drag the kiddo I nanny to the gym after school. Luckily, this is a unique week and it won't be so crazy like this in the upcoming weeks/ I will only be working weekend shifts and possibly one or two night shifts at Mimi's a week.

Training at Mimi's has been great because I remember almost everything since the last time I worked there in 2007 and have been breezing right through training. I really like this location and the staff, managers, and my trainer are all very nice :) I forgot what it feels like to be on your feet all day! Even with inserts and nice non-slip meant for waitressing shoes, my feet are killing me. I need to soak them in some epsom salt as my Grandma pointed out. Soon enough I will build a tolerance however and my feet won't hurt as much anymore. It was kind of cool because my trainer on tuesday told me she had gastric bypass ten years ago and she looks amazing. She is probably only about 5'4 and she said she weighed over 400lbs!! She is now probably about 140lbs and looks great and has kept it off for 8 years.

I always so exhausted after a shift at Mimi's so I did some research online and apparently waitressing can help you burn quite a few calories when you are busy... awesome! It has been really hard to resist temptation at work though because when you train, you are allowed 3 free menu items each day. Everything on the menu that I would LIKE to eat is easily 1000-2000 calories, so that isn't really an option for me. I have mostly chosen grilled chicken and fruit, but I did treat myself today for all my hard work with a mini-apple crisp minus the ice cream :). Well I am off to snooze for a few hours before another crazy day begins... goodnight all!

Another 3lbs Down :)

Woohoo! So because I won't have access to my scale tomorrow (because I am nannying 24/7 this week), I decided to weigh myself this morning instead. The scale read 291... hallelujah! I was really getting concerned and sort of had a break down on Friday morning when I stood on the scale and it still said 294! I cried a little because of how frustrated I was because I have been dieting and working out so vigilantly. However, my best friend Keren suggested I "jump" my metabolism by eating a bit more than usual one day. So I took her advice and ate about 1400 calories on Friday instead of just 1000. The rest of the weekend I kept to 1000 and I even took Saturday off from exercising... and VOILA! Three pounds down by Monday morning. Amazing! Hopefully I am over the little "starvation mode"/birth control water weight hump now.

My incision site is still really angry and infected, but I am just continuing to cover it with gauze and take the antibiotics. I am super bummed I won't be able to swim for another two weeks, but walking again is't the end of the world. Well I am off to help Cody finish his homework for tonight, will write more later!

Burning the Midnight Oil

As you all can see, I have gotten more "blog savy" and changed it up quite a bit as far as adding background and photos etc... It is alot harder than I thought! I wish I could remember all the HTML stuff from high school... lol Anyway, I had a pretty good weekend overall :) I went to a noon swim class on Friday that was taught by a different teacher and it was really fun! It was nice to do such a different routine and experience a new teacher. She totally kicked my butt and my legs were pretty darn sore all weekend (a sign of a great workout!). On Saturday, I wore JEANS for the first time in almost 2 months which felt amazing... I had stopped wearing them because I didn't have any that fit and refused to buy larger ones since I was about to have surgery. Now they fit again... YAY. What a wonderful feeling to actually SEE results :)

I took Saturday off from working out (partially because I overslept and missed the 9am swim class... OOPS) and enjoyed the day with my best friend Keren in Boulder. I have been having a really hard time getting all my liquid in (64oz a day) :/ I think this is because I never really kept myself very hydrated before surgery, and when I did drink liquid it was usually when I ate (which I now can't do!). I bought a few water bottles and have really been trying to keep one in my purse, car, etc... so that I always have something to drink/remind me to drink. This is definitely something I still need to work on though!

I also got the call that I got the job as a server at Mimi's Cafe on Saturday which is awesome! I start training this week and will be working one or two night shifts a week (after I get off nannying) and a few weekend shifts. I am so glad I got the job because I have worked there before so they won't have to train me all that much. This week is going to be absolutely CRAZY though because I am with Cody 24/7 while he isn't at school because his Mom is flying to London AND I will be training during the times when Cody is at school. This means I will barely be home at all this week and a busy busy bee! It will be totally worth it though. Today I went out and got all the stuff for my uniform at Mimi's... black button down dress shirt, black non-slip shoes, and a tie of my choice :) I was hoping to find a Grateful Dead tie, but I settled for a hot pink tie I found at Ross for now. 

My blisters have healed and I went walking today for a bit, but the weather was rather nasty so I cut it shorter than I would have liked. My new wide walking shoes are great!! However, I came home and my port site was really bothering me again... even though I am taking antibiotics for the infection, the incision site came open a bit and is looking really awful. I called my doc and he said that that is just the infection working its way out of my body and that it will close up soon, however this also means I can't swim again until it heals and dries over :( Just when I was getting back into swimming!! But no point risking infecting the site even more with chlorine... I will just have to walk this week. Hopefully I can get Cody to walk with me since I will have very little free time to do so on my own this week!

Anyway, I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend :)

Little Hiccup

Owch.... my port site (the little sensor they inserted under the muscle wall next to my stomach which they will put saline into) is infected from the inside :( I noticed that it was really bothersome and tender all day yesterday, and then after I went to swim class, it was really red, angry, and hurty. I called my doc and he said to come in today and the nurse checked it out and determined it is indeed infected. They prescribed me some antibiotics and said it should be better in a week.

On the bright side, it felt AMAZING to be back in the water! I went to class last night and tonight and feel great :) SOO much better than walking on the treadmill. Besides, those new sneakers I bought gave me even worse blisters than my old sneakers despite having inserts in them. I returned those suckers and bought some super wide sneakers which I will try in a few days. I went back to the chiropractor for the first time since surgery also which was really nice... My chiro said he could already notice the difference in my weight :)

I went to Mimi's Cafe yesterday to see if I can pick up a few morning and weekend shifts because I have worked there before in TX and CO.... the manager was busy when I came in but told me he would call me. He called me this afternoon and I am going back in tomorrow to talk to him...Wish me luck! It would be nice to have a little extra cash and be busy on my feet when I am not nannying. Dressed up a little when I went into Mimi's so I took a photo :)

Well I am POOPED from swim class and am going to turn in early for the night... I will post more later!

Sigh of Relief

So I just got off the phone with my nutritionist and she reassured me that I am doing great and way ahead of the game. She said most people with lapband lose 1lb a week, and so the fact that I have lost 10 since the actual day of surgery is great. She told me that I should up my calories a bit to about 1000 a day and that I may be retaining more water weight now that I am back on birth control, but that it is nothing to worry about. She told me to RELAX lol I feel alot better now that I have talked to her though. Anyway, I found a new cheap swimsuit at Walmart for $15 which was nice and I found the best score I have found in a while... a 99 cent poster of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory saying "BAZINGA!" I absolutely had to buy it... it is now hanging on my closet door as inspiration and something to smile at :)

Another 3lbs down

BOO! I can't tell you how disappointed I feel right now, especially since I have only been able to eat like 600 calories a day AND I have been exercising every day too... Only 3lbs down from last week :( Oh well... I did my best and that is all I can do. I guess I will have to "up the anty" and exercise longer each day. I know that this is a slow process and that 1-2lbs a week is good, but since I had lost so much the week before I guess I was expecting a bigger number. Le Sigh. I guess as long as the numbers are still going down, it is a good thing :) Off to the gym!

Super Productive Day

Today was a good and very productive day... I am exhausted! I went to work and then hit the gym and did 30 minutes at 2.8mph on the treadmill :) The new shoe inserts helped, but not enough to make a HUGE difference. I just happened to have a coupon for DSW shoes, so after I worked out I went and found an awesome new pair of sneakers that were on sale (and I got to use a coupon for $10 off too!) that fit great. Hopefully the new shoes and inserts will now making speed walking easier on my feet and cause less blisters.

I am excited because 1. Tomorrow I can start swimming again YAAAAY and 2. I am on week three of my recovery which means I can now get off the pureed diet and add alot more things back in such as meat and other semi-soft items. I also made a great discovery... I was out running errands tonight and was STARVING.. so I stopped at Chik-fil-A and was just going to order a plain grilled chicken sandwich and not eat the bun, but then I saw that they have a new item that is perfect for my diet! It is on the kid's menu and is 6 "grilled chicken nuggets"... basically just 6 little pieces of plain grilled, unseasoned chicken that add up to about 4 or 5oz and is 110 cals! This is awesome because I finally found something that complies with my diet when I am "on the go" and need something fast :)

Tomorrow is weigh in day and that excites me too... I am hoping I lost another 4-5lbs in the last week. The doc said 1-2lbs a week is good, so lets see if I can do better! Goodnight for now, I will be back in the morning to post my weigh in!

Ups and Downs...

So as I have said before, I am feeling better and better everyday... more energy, confidence, and drive. However, I was seriously STUNNED on Friday night by the most blatant form of fatism I have ever encountered since I have been overweight. I got a free ticket to a concert (Shpongle!) and went with my best friend Keren... it was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. The music and the incredible visuals he projected on this pyramid thing were AWESOME. Anyway, it was really my first time "out and about" since surgery, and most certainly the first time I have worn makeup and dressed up since. I was dancing and feeling great about myself until this skinny little 17 year old kid started to make a scene. He was at least a few feet away from me and had plenty of space but yelled "I DON'T HAVE ANY ROOM TO DANCE YOU NEED TO MOVE". No big deal, right? So I move over and give him so more space. Granted this IS a packed concert and I was not dancing crazy or taking up alot of space by any means. I continue dancing, and at this point I am a good 5-8 feet away from this loser... Ironically, there are like 3 or 4 very thin girls dancing right next to him that he clearly doesn't have a problem with. I am once again minding my own business and enjoying myself when the loser makes a total scene shouting "THAT GIRL IS TAKING UP ALL THE SPACE I CAN'T DANCE" (talking about me). I shoot him a dirty look and as his friends (looking embarrassed and mortified) drag him away he shouts "THAT FAT CHICK IS TAKING UP ALL THE SPACE". Owch. Even though he was just some stupid loser pimply faced teenager, his words and the scene he made came crashing down on me like an atomic bomb. Here I was, enjoying myself and having the time of my life, and he had to try to completely ruin it for me. I am assuming he was on drugs or something. Anyway, it hurt more than words can describe... if he only knew how HARD I am fighting for my health and my life right now, what I have been through etc... And screw him, I am doing it for ME and nobody else. He had no right to treat me like that. I have never and would NEVER treat ANYONE the way he treated me. I left the concert and cried in my car while Keren consoled me for a few minutes, then bravely decided that he wasn't worth my tears. I was really proud of myself because I got back in the concert (in a different spot of course!) and enjoyed the rest of it.

On a lighter note, I went to a Passover Seder last night in Denver at my cousin's family friend's house and it was great. I actually have learned to love matzo ball soup which is awesome. I ate a little soup, mashed potatoes, and I had a few bites of chicken (the first meat I have eaten since surgery). The food and the people were incredible, but I also learned something very valuable: I am not ready to be around sweets and temptations just yet. I did not overdo it by any means, but when a chocolate cake came out I could not help but have a few bites... This was the first time I felt like I did not have control, and I hated it. I love sweets and always have, but that is why I DO NOT have them in my house or anywhere near me right now because I can't control myself. It is amazing how GUILTY I feel even though I only had a few bites. Last night was a good gauge/reminder of that. Someday I will be able to have just a little at a time, but for right now I need stay away from places with temptations such as cake because I am not ready or strong enough to just say NO completely. Good lesson.

I got inserts for my shoes on Friday by "Super Feet!" which were only forty dollars and they seem to be great... I was able to dance all night at the concert despite my blisters. Today I am going to go for a long walk outside because it is beautiful out and the gym is closed due to Easter. Then I am going over to a family I used to babysit for and am still close with (the kids are grown up a bit and don't need a babysitter anymore) to hang out for the afternoon. Anyway, I hope everyone has had a great weekend! I look forward to Tuesday which is weigh in day! :)

Blisters are a BITCH :(

So as I wrote on wednesday, I got HUGE blisters all over the bottom of my feet and non-existent arch (I have flat feet). They were so painful that I decided to puncture them, then clean and bandage them to heal faster. Because of this, I was not able to walk yesterday :( It is amazing how guilty you can feel after one day of not walking because I have been on such a roll! Oh well :( Today I was proactive and went to a special running shoe store and got $40 "Super Feet" inserts for my sneakers that feel MUCH better on my flat wide feet than the insoles that came in my sneakers. I also got special socks that don't retain moisture so  it helps prevent blisters. I am going to try to walk at least a little bit today in my neighborhood because it is such a nice day out, but my blisters are still inflamed and not healed so it won't be easy. BUMMER/OWCH..

On a happier note, yesterday I got a surprise delivery of a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my cousins Meri, Kimberly, and Sarah which was incredibly thoughtful and generous... aren't they pretty?! I have such a great family :) And yes, that is a curious kitty in the background.

Tomorrow is Passover and I am going to a Seder in Denver at my cousin's friend's house which should be nice. I am bringing mashed potatoes because that is really all I can eat right now at a dinner like that! I am still anxiously checking the Israel Experts webpage everyday to see if I have made a trip to Israel this summer. For those of you who don't know, I applied to something called "Birthright Israel" which offers a free 10 day trip to Israel for Jews ages 18-16 that have never been to Israel before. I have applied in the past and been waitlisted, but this year I signed up early with a special promotional code and think I have a really good chance of making a trip! The trip I want to go on will be in July, so it will be HOT HOT HOT and all the more inspiration to lose as much weight as possible before I go so that I am not totally miserable. It is a chance of a lifetime... I will get to hike Massada, swim in the Dead Sea, visit the Wailing Wall, camp in the desert... and so much more with a huge group my age. Keep your fingers crossed for me, I should find out in another week or so!

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, Passover, Easter, or whatever you choose to celebrate or not.  Apparently Obama sent America a happy Passover message and is having an official White House Seder! GO OBAMA :)

Better, faster, stronger!

Honestly feeling better and better everyday... I have been going to the gym everyday after work and walking on the treadmill. I have been trying to increase the time and speed a little bit each time! Monday I walked at 2.7mph for 20 min, tues 2.7mph for 20 min then 2.8 for 5, then today I walked at 2.8 the whole 25 minutes :) Feels gratifying... I love walking outside, but walking on a treadmill forces me to be accountable for my speed and really break a sweat! The only thing preventing me from walking longer at this point is pain in my lower back :( The pain is from falling weird while downhill skiing back in January and my back started to really hurt so I went to an orthopedist... He took some X-rays and discovered that I have had a stress fracture in my lower spine probably since I was 10 or 12. I never noticed the fracture because it didn't bother me, but the fall caused two lower back discs to herniate which is causing me alot of lower back pain when I walk for more than half hour and other activities :( Thankfully I can start going back to the chiropractor next wednesday which should help. I also need to buy some inserts for my sneakers because I have blisters from the high arches of the shoes (I myself have  ZERO arch soo most fitness shoes can be painful after a while).

I have also noticed that my energy levels are amazingly high everyday! This is probably due to finally getting adequate nutrition (from vitamin and calcium supplements daily) and high protein levels. It is amazing what a difference I feel from even just two weeks ago. I typically take 54mg of Concerta everyday to regulate my sleep schedule and keep me awake/from napping all day but I haven't taken any since surgery. I will consult my doc and psychiatrist, but it is possible I may not even need the pills anymore which would be awesome.

All of the suture strips have come off my incision sites and I was worried about one site possibly being infected because a piece of my internal stitch was poking out... however I talked to the doc and he said to just cut off that little piece and keep all my incision sites clean, dry, and band-aid free.

I have really been craving meat (I have not had meat in two weeks) and can't wait until next week when I can slowly start adding meat back into my diet (such as cooked ground turkey and super lean beef). Even though I am full everyday, I never really feel like I am eating real food because I am still on a "pureed" diet. That's all for now, I will write more soon!

Another 2lbs Down!

I know I know... it really isn't healthy to weigh myself so often, but since today is officially 7 days since surgery I had to! I am now down to 297lbs :) Thats 7 pounds lost in 7 days... I'll take it! From now on, I will post my weight once every week, probably on a tuesday. Another crummy day out, so I will most likely go to the gym after work today and hit the treadmill instead of walking outside.

I have been having crazy dreams lately! I frequently have panicked dreams that I haven't finished college and "forgot about" some courses that I just remembered, but now I am having panicked dreams that I pig out pizza and cookies and such and am going to get sick/mess up my lap band. I have had this dream a few times this week and I always wake up super scared and have to remind myself, "It's not real! I did not pig out, I will NOT pig out, and I will NOT mess up my lap band". Anxiety is a bitch! LOL! Hopefully these dreams will stop soon enough. Anyway, have a great day everyone :)

Great Lap Band Explanation

I just realized that not everyone looking at my blog will know exactly what "lap band" is... here is a great video that explains the surgery I just had and how it works :)

Really Proud of Myself Today :)

So I have been walking farther and farther everyday and yesterday I walked 6 blocks... I know this doesn't sound like much, but considering that I was doubled over just walking to the mailbox less than a week ago feels pretty good! It didn't hurt that it was a gorgeous day and I walked at sunset :) Today, however was absolutely disgusting out; cold, rainy, windy, BLAH. It was also my first day back to work since surgery. I only ended up working from 3:30-5:30 which was nice, but I was thinking about skipping walking because it was just so nasty out. BUT I bit the bullet and drove straight from work to the gym and ended up walking on the treadmill for 20 min at 2.7mph, burning 137 calories :) I probably could have walked more because I really wasn't tired (though I worked up a little sweat), but I really didn't have the proper shoes on (I had on boots because I had come straight from work). Even so, 20 minutes is a fabulous start to exercising again. I am really proud of myself that I didn't just skip walking because it was yucky outside... it all starts with self-discipline! 137 calories also doesn't sound like much but considering I am only able to eat about 500-600 calories a day right now (because I feel so full/just had surgery), thats pretty damn good!

My stitches have been really itchy and bothering me, and today the suture strips on two incision sites fell off. Can't wait until they all fully heal in a week or so so I can jump back in the pool! Don't get me wrong, I don't mind walking for exercise, but there is nothing like swimming where I am fighting buoyancy instead of gravity :) Well I am going to go try to find the newest episode of Madmen online somewhere (I don't have cable) and hit the hay early, but I will post more soon :)

5 pounds down!

SOO day of surgery (march 27, 2012) I weighed 304lbs... I weighed myself today, April 1st 2012 and I am 299lbs... 5 pounds down in 5 days since surgery. WOOOHOOO. Here are my first self pics, stitches and all, I will be taking some to track my progress every 2 weeks. These initial photos are hard to look at, but is just more motivation to succeed!

4/1/2012 299lbs

Front

Side

Healing From Surgery

It has been five days since my lapband surgery, and I am feeling much better every day. However, whoever told me that lapband is a "2-3 day recovery period" is full of it! My mom came out last monday to help me with surgery which was really nice. I was on a three day clear liquid sugar-free diet before surgery which was absolutely torture... however I lost 15lbs in water weight by the morning of surgery! I had my surgery tuesday, March 27th in Denver and it went really well for the most part. My best friend Keren drove my Mom and I to the actual surgery (my car is a stick shift and my Mom doesn't know how to drive stick) and stayed the whole time through surgery and recovery. I woke up in quite a bit of pain, a different pain than I had ever felt before and had a nurse that mostly ignored me until I made enough of a fuss to get a new nurse who did a great job managing my pain and keeping me company. After waiting around for a few hours to control my pain and make sure I could walk, I was released home. When Keren dropped me off at home, she left me a very sweet care package with some beautiful jewelry she made, some sunglasses, a stuffed panda and panda rainbow bag, magazines... you name it! I am so lucky to have a such a great best friend. I got many calls and texts over the next few days from both family and friends checking on my well being which was incredibly nice. To say the least, I feel very supported and loved :) 

Here is a stunning photo from right before I went into surgery 3/27/12

The next few days were really hard and kind of a blur because of the pain medication. My Mom took care of me and made sure I got up every few hours to walk and take my medication etc... I was so grateful to have her here. On Friday, my Uncle Bob came to visit my Mom and I and take her to the airport. We went to "The Pumphouse", one of my favorite restaurants here in Longmont and though I didn't have much of an appetite, it was hard to not want to eat my usual 5 cheese grilled cheese sandwich and fries. I am on a "pureed" diet for the first two weeks after surgery (yogurt, protein shakes, applesauce, blended soup, etc...) so I ordered some mash potatoes. It was definitely the best thing I had eaten in over a week and a half! I was only able to eat about a quarter of a cup and then I was full which is amazing. I had a great time with Bob and my Mom, but was sad it was already time for my Mom to leave. I at least got to play my Mom in scrabble the last night she was here and I BEAT HER WOOHOO. I am slowly working my way through the family, I beat the ultimate champ Grandma Beth last year, now Mom; my next target is Uncle Bob! 

I have been eating a bit more and walking farther every day as I recover. Each day I feel a bit better and am really glad I chose to have the surgery. I have been keeping a diary and tracking my food and protein intake, feelings, liquid intake. weight, and meds. I find this has really helped, because for the first two weeks I need to ensure that I eat at least 40 grams of protein a day and 32 oz of liquid a day. These numbers will greatly increase as I get better, but that is what is recommended the first two weeks after surgery. You may be asking yourself, "How the hell is she getting that much protein in on a pureed diet?!" The answer is to add protein powder to everything... I have been making little custom low calorie shakes with flavored protein powder as well as drinking the GNC lean shakes which only have 2g of sugar and 25 grams of protein! It is definitely trial and error though... for instance today I tried to add "non-flavored" protein powder to mash potatoes and it was disgusting... oh well!

I am looking forward to progressing in the healing process and will be excited to get back in the pool when my stitches heal in 2 weeks. Tomorrow is my first day back to work which should be interesting. I plan on blogging a few times a week and uploading updates and new pictures every 2 weeks.