Ups and Downs...

So as I have said before, I am feeling better and better everyday... more energy, confidence, and drive. However, I was seriously STUNNED on Friday night by the most blatant form of fatism I have ever encountered since I have been overweight. I got a free ticket to a concert (Shpongle!) and went with my best friend Keren... it was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. The music and the incredible visuals he projected on this pyramid thing were AWESOME. Anyway, it was really my first time "out and about" since surgery, and most certainly the first time I have worn makeup and dressed up since. I was dancing and feeling great about myself until this skinny little 17 year old kid started to make a scene. He was at least a few feet away from me and had plenty of space but yelled "I DON'T HAVE ANY ROOM TO DANCE YOU NEED TO MOVE". No big deal, right? So I move over and give him so more space. Granted this IS a packed concert and I was not dancing crazy or taking up alot of space by any means. I continue dancing, and at this point I am a good 5-8 feet away from this loser... Ironically, there are like 3 or 4 very thin girls dancing right next to him that he clearly doesn't have a problem with. I am once again minding my own business and enjoying myself when the loser makes a total scene shouting "THAT GIRL IS TAKING UP ALL THE SPACE I CAN'T DANCE" (talking about me). I shoot him a dirty look and as his friends (looking embarrassed and mortified) drag him away he shouts "THAT FAT CHICK IS TAKING UP ALL THE SPACE". Owch. Even though he was just some stupid loser pimply faced teenager, his words and the scene he made came crashing down on me like an atomic bomb. Here I was, enjoying myself and having the time of my life, and he had to try to completely ruin it for me. I am assuming he was on drugs or something. Anyway, it hurt more than words can describe... if he only knew how HARD I am fighting for my health and my life right now, what I have been through etc... And screw him, I am doing it for ME and nobody else. He had no right to treat me like that. I have never and would NEVER treat ANYONE the way he treated me. I left the concert and cried in my car while Keren consoled me for a few minutes, then bravely decided that he wasn't worth my tears. I was really proud of myself because I got back in the concert (in a different spot of course!) and enjoyed the rest of it.

On a lighter note, I went to a Passover Seder last night in Denver at my cousin's family friend's house and it was great. I actually have learned to love matzo ball soup which is awesome. I ate a little soup, mashed potatoes, and I had a few bites of chicken (the first meat I have eaten since surgery). The food and the people were incredible, but I also learned something very valuable: I am not ready to be around sweets and temptations just yet. I did not overdo it by any means, but when a chocolate cake came out I could not help but have a few bites... This was the first time I felt like I did not have control, and I hated it. I love sweets and always have, but that is why I DO NOT have them in my house or anywhere near me right now because I can't control myself. It is amazing how GUILTY I feel even though I only had a few bites. Last night was a good gauge/reminder of that. Someday I will be able to have just a little at a time, but for right now I need stay away from places with temptations such as cake because I am not ready or strong enough to just say NO completely. Good lesson.

I got inserts for my shoes on Friday by "Super Feet!" which were only forty dollars and they seem to be great... I was able to dance all night at the concert despite my blisters. Today I am going to go for a long walk outside because it is beautiful out and the gym is closed due to Easter. Then I am going over to a family I used to babysit for and am still close with (the kids are grown up a bit and don't need a babysitter anymore) to hang out for the afternoon. Anyway, I hope everyone has had a great weekend! I look forward to Tuesday which is weigh in day! :)